DUDE DUDE I JUST GOT TH E BEST IDEA FOR A CHILDRENS BOOK "If You Give A Girl A Blow Job"
It's 10am. I'm hungover wearing a flyers jersey and a phillies hat and eating a cheesesteak. I'm not the only one. Best city ever.
They're like penises that have been put in a blender.
i think you walked me home, then i felt bad for putting you through the trouble so i walked you home...i'm not sure how i got home after that.
You need to come over. I cant get her to stop eating honey mustard straight from the squeeze bottle
Before I left he insisted on serenading me with a ukalele. I might be a little bit in love
Sometimes I love sober logical me. She makes rare appearances but when she does she shines.
Pretty sure that molly fried my sinus infection away; i regret nothing
Well pulled into the driveway, and there she was. Kinda like a Vegas version of the mint on a pillow
She looks well worn, presumably from a cavalcade of penis.
It's like my life is one of those movies where after a bunch of outlandish events that only happen in a movie the girl realizes her true life calling and lives a great life with a sexy man of multiple races. But I'm stuck in the fucked up part where 25 year olds come in their pants.
When you wake up with a bow tie and mustache drawn on your penis, you know you had a good night.
If you could not mention to him that I slept with his best friend, that'd be cool of you.
I'm not asking for life coaching, I'm just asking if you know where I left my underpants.
We're like a married couple, but we only have sex on college holidays and other people's birthdays.
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