i got lost in a forest last night. this morning I realized the "forest" was just 6 trees on campus.
She asked to borrow my chapstick then said "I promise I won't get herpes on it"
i wish my penis had a tongue
i just saw a white kid with an afro using a martini shaker as a coffee thermos. go college.
You know, I really only think drinking is a problem if you're not good at it.
I just told my sister I love her. I'm in no condition to drive.
he broke into my appartment and left me a waffle maker...
We knew we were dealing with a pro when some random guy at the bar thew you over his shoulder and you still didn't spill your drink
Strangely enough, that's not the first time that's happened
As we have told you before, the first rule of hook-up bingo is we don't talk about hook-up bingo
sweet sixteen by hillary duff just came on and i feel like i let lizzie mcguire down for being such a stoner
He wouldn't stop calling me so I sent him a text saying "I'm dead. Dead. Leave me alone." And he replied with "so can I see you then?"
He told me was "pretty like the wife in some movie where the husband is a cheater." I think I'm gonna fuck him.
Last night was a whirlwind of vodka - induced emotion
He spent three years trying to get a chance with me and finally broke me down. then he came in two minutes and was so upset he locked himself in the bathroom so I helped myself to his weed and left. Wanna get stoned?
also, my mom just called to make sure the dick tattoo on your arm was fake..
Randomize
