I found somebody to have a 3 sum with
shutup! Who?!?
Hahaha April fools!
Just did free shots of tequila at a walmart. Hello Mexico
Im holding a competition......who saw me last, and who knows how my nose got bruised? you earn points for answering either question. and for bringing me water.
like the penis drawn on my face is so detailed and well done, i'm not even upset about it.
well when mom kept referring to my "black hole of a vagina" and how i devoured all the nuts at the party like i was a pro, i figured my stay was up.
Have introduced beer-pong to my work's Tuesday lunches.
Sending me a thank you card for letting you fuck my sister was completely inappropriate
Ive consumed more rum studying for law school finals than I did that time I fucked that fat chick in the back of VW Beetle. It's all ugly, but for different reasons.
Food lion is just a portal. Cheetos are the goal. Its like not banging a super hot chick cause she is french. She still has the same parts just from a different box.
Now I am going to fly my toy helicopter in the dark.
So my roommate and I have a written agreement stating that if he tries to sleep with his ex girlfriend, I have to immediately intervene and nut punch him then send her on her way.
this is the most serious roommate agreement ever
He cried & told me I reminded him off his mother. I don't want to talk about it. I want to drink about it.
I never want to even look at fireball again because it reminds me of the night I died and then lived to tell the tale of how I died.
Yep. The ghost of my sex life is in your house.
YOU SLEPT WITH A GUY WHO HAS A BILLBOARD IN HIS HONOR?
This bitch goes out driving during the nor'easter to get her ass eaten.. that’s dedication
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