SEEEEXXX PLEASE
we were having sex in the bathroom when his aunt knocked on the door
and rather than go out and meet her, i climbed out the window. so now she thinks he was masturbating and moaning his own name in a really girly voice
last night i was so high that when a homeless person asked me for a dollar, i responded: dolla dolla bill ya'll.
And my awkwardness continues. I felt the need to send him a text that said roar. I did it.
this is a mass text: i just made a grilled cheese with an iron and pasta with the coffeemaker in the hotel room. bow before your new god.
i just threw up ON my final. epic way to end the semester.
You puked on my feet last night. You owe me a pedicure.
It's George Washington's Birthday. Can you not put on some red white and blue and get really drunk for the original Merican??
My mother just made an innapropriate gesture with a cucumber while grocery shopping at whole foods... Then she said "bitches love cucumbers" and all this time i thought i was adopted
Heard you were the one that shit off Jamie's balcony. FYI there is a cabbie down here out for blood
I made out with my former step mother's best friend. Only knew the connection when they both showed up together at the bar.
I mean, I let him sleep with me after we both ate taco bell sober... That's kinda like love, right?
Is it sad the checkout lady had to inform my mom she can't buy alcohol before 8am?
And my butt misses you like the deserts miss the rain.
Apologies that our conversations always turn to butt sex or penis size. I thought we out grew that in our 20's.
Randomize