that drag queen yelled at him and touched me to make him jealous and said things like this is what a real man feels like. it was a thrill.
apparently i broke a 100 dollar bill to tip the bartender on a free drink
I want to frame my negative pregnancy test.
I like your house better though. Cause it has febreeze and lube.
I don't think you have any idea how kinky that sounds.
so I'm coping with getting the "I'm not over my ex" bomb dropped on me by getting drunk and yelling at people while wearing a purple princess hat
you left a paper here that says 'to do list' but it looks like you just wrote "drink a bunch of cough syrup and watch Who's the Boss" like 60 times
How would u feel about transportimg a penis shaped ice luge to nashville?
You expect me to find someone in two days who I feel comfortable enough with to ask them to get drunk and go play in foam with me?
It's not a good hook up if during you're thinking "how will this damage me psychologically"
Itd be nice if there was a level of interest in me somewhere in between the indifference and obsession that I've only been attracting
How do we have all these hot friends who we never do body shots off of
how much do I hate his dog? was just googling to see if you can rent a hungry eagle for the weekend hate.
yeah i'm making him "thanks for letting me befriend your toilet" cookies. wanna help? i'm sure you'll be making new friends too.
Yah. Then he started clapping my boobs together in his hands and started shouting "the seas are angry!"
we got cockblocked by his mom again...its like she has a radar on me
please stop trying to sleep with him
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