watching a depressing episode of spongebob while high is the most depressing thing i have ever experienced
new rule: i'm not touching his penis until he takes me out to dinner.
you know, if you actually abided by that rule there would be many more successful restauranteurs in ohio.
How do you get mayonnaise out of... well jesus it's everywhere, let's start with carpets
He just laughed at his drink laid on the floor and crawled to the bathroom
I think my penis ruined a perfectly good friendship.
oh my god. were standing in the kitchen and were chanting "EYEBROWS" and shaving peoples eyebrows. I have work tomorrow and want to keep my eyebrows.
Chugged a beer while being walked to the bathroom by campus police to pour the beers out.
Our whole friendship has just been time foreshadowing my dick in your mouth.
She kept looking at me and saying "you are the scary high".
Just had flashback to me showering u with stir fry as u rythed on the floor
Why are you there anyways?
Pickin up ball pit balls from craigslist
He was late, on account of he accidentally went to the Al-Anon meeting across the hall, and it took him 30 minutes to realize he was in the wrong room.
He was so fat that he broke two of my ribs
Maybe it's time to stop screaming I'm a chubby chaser every time you enter a drinking establishment
If you fold the laundry; booze and orgasms on me.
WHAT THE FUCK HAPPENED. WHO CAME HOME WITH ME. WHAT THE FUCK RESPOND ASAP I AM SO CONFUSED
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