i miss you and i wish you were peeing between my legs right now. in a platonic way
Tell mom and/or dad that I am going to be home late. I am really blazed. Don't tell them that part, though.
I cant date a girl that sucks dick at sucking dick
Got 6 blowjobs in one weekend... new personal best.
he just left. I blew him in my kitchen while my parents slept down the hall. Welcome back home!
Fucking him was like shopping for my first training bra.. Embarrassing yet extremely useful
Like if there was an award for best way to take a girls virginity, he would get a standing ovation. And first prize. Probably a bunch of roses too. That good.
Pretty sure they aren't letting me back to karaoke night after I screamed "fuck every one of you tasteless hillbillies!!" because I felt they didn't clap loud enough for Jen.
He brought wine and beer. I'll put my pants on for wine and beer.
Is it socially acceptable to stop at the strip club for the lunch buffet on my way to the airport?
I don't know how or when he is sober long enough to donate plasma
420 is off to a bad start. Mark wake/baked WAY too much, and he has spent over $50 on the claw machine in the grocery store.
She yelled out "MCDREAMY" mid orgasm
How did I get the fat lip, while puking I may or may not have sneezed... Wacking my face into the toilet bowl...
How was your night?
Good. I made people cry and run home
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