i just got arrested. apparently dont move means dont move.
I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
if i died would you start the facebook group?
i just walked by a road side game of beer pong? it's gonna be a long day
I just packed a bowl in my room and use glad press n' seal to cover it so it wouldn't dump out in my pocket .
You'll be the guy with the raft that sells burritos on the river. You'd be legendary.
You missed a lot. I drank contact solution thinking it was water, vodka thinking it was water and some unidentified substance that reminded me of pine sol thinking it was water..
when i got there he was on top of an air mattress in the middle of the pool with a bag of doritos and a 40 telling people he needed his space.
Second night back. Go to house party and played ring of fire. Me plus five other people completely naked. College wins.. It's going to be a long semester
Just used "I used to work as an inflatable toy operator" as a pick up line. Freshman frenzy is great...
I'm hungover in the park, and some guy just handed me a business card for his church. I can feel Jesus' disapproval running through my fingertips
He fell asleep and I'm awkwardly laying here because all I have to wear is my tutu. I'm pretty sure his roommate is going to be back soon so this should be fun. This is my life now. PS. the background of his phone is a picture of his hedgehog.
I'm 50% weirded out and 50% into it
I spanked her so hard I woke up Grandma
woke up and you werent here...its ok if we're never going to speak again but my furry hand cuffs are missing and i would like them back. thanks.
Randomize
