I have to decide between the hot young blond with no apparent gag reflex, and the brunette with a great ass and a trust fund.
either we just had an earthquake or I am really good @ masturbating
I think i really like him...he was super cuddly and kept me company.
stop. you already have a dog
Guess who's still drunk but on time to court to represent a DUI?
You are my hero
We were hooking up, both of us naked. She starts putting her clothes back on and says, "I have to go to the bathroom." I reply, "No you don't, you're leaving." Without hesitation she looks at me and says, "Yeah."
Remember when we were mad at her for brining her mom on spring break? She just won the wet t-shirt contest. I think we owe her an apology.
Hey for future reference vodka can not be substituted for water when shaving your legs
and if my full six pack comes in by Halloween there is no stopping the man slut costume. I have no shame
When you get to his house tomorrow, follow your instincts. Find the cat first.
Its mothers day, andI woke up with 12 bar stamps on my face, holding orange juice and a box of tampons. This can not be happening
I'm trying. I feel like we're trying to have sex with fruitcake. dry and boring.
Just keep in mind that she didn't start telling you you had the largest penis she had ever seen until AFTER she found out about your multi-million-dollar trust fund.
I'm tired of being known as the Great Giver Goddess of the Almighty Pity Bone.
I'm now at a gay bar with our relatives
I mean metaphorically. Literally zombies have yet to invade. Let's be rational here.
Randomize
