Why did every guy I have ever slept with have to come into the library today?
Please tell me its not ok to love a 17 year old....no matter how hot he is and how sexy his eyebrow ring is oh lord
Two words. Shotgunning Cognac.
This has already gotten way out of hand
NOT EVEN KIDDING RIGHT NOW. THE GUY IN THE SPIDERMAN COSTUME JUST FELL OFF THE ROOF INTO A BABY POOL. GET HERE NOW!!
So not the biggest tits he had his cock between. He could have lied.
No I did not just post a Craigslist ad for a used stripper pole because I can't afford my own. But now that you put the idea in my head I might have to.
I could drive to your house and kick you in the nuts right now....and not even stop for a burrito
The difference between 22 and 28 is bigger than I realised. I had the urge to put on Spongebob and give him a cookie.
did the thing where I quickly swipe right to every girl on Tinder & matched with my sis. God I hope swiping carelessly is hereditary
Got caught peeing in public. Sucks. It was a police station. Sucks worse.
Mike fell asleep with his hand down my pants. I'm clearly an enticing person.
Apparently we fucked, I kicked him out, then he came back and we did it on the coffee table and in the kitchen.
I consider walking to the bars and dancing my exercise and I buy doubles so my drinks r heavier so that's my arm workout
Watching South Park, doing sit-ups and drinking tequila. In other words, my night is going pretty good.
The neighbor just poured gasoline on his 2 brush fires and proceeded to shoot Roman candles at them 🤔
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