I just needed to know whether or not to wear panties to work tomorrow.
I woke up on the side of the highway to the ppl in orange jumpsuits cleaning to comunity service. Not sure which freaked them out more... Finding a dead b ody or me not being dead
In The Air Tonight was playing in the dentist's office. Had to stop the cleaner to do the drums.
My doctor just informed me that my food allergies qualify me for a medical marijuana license. I get it on Tuesday. It won't help at all, but my life is awesome!
once the tequila comes in everyone elses feelings go out the window.
APPARENTLY giving your friend one of your shoes so that you avoid the no shoes no service rule makes you drunk...
We hung out in the bathroom the whole time and talked about sex and watched some girl pee. If you don't believe I was there, check the bathtub for bread crust.
get over here now. the boys are doing shots of everclear, chasing with monster, and some dude jsut walked in with a backpack full of tattoo gear.
Have invented new cocktail. Any flavor of crystal light and vodka. I call it "I am going to die alone"
So I have a scar from when the stripper tore off my underwear .... Best birthday ever
She keeps feeding me drugs. Its like I'm her baby bird or something
I can't tell if my bong is gender-neutral or not
Ok. You have started something that can only end with a picture of the inside of my butthole. It may happen today or next year, but it's on my agenda.
1. so the new neighbor u called dibs on.. I'm sorry..but not really. 2. She lactates, I guess that happens when you have a kid less then 5 months ago.... WTF!! 3. Is it fucked up I'm craving Ceral & Milk now?
Whatever douche. I sucked the dick that made you. I. Win.
Randomize
