I just accidently deleted 60 gigs of porn from my external hard drive. Thats over 300 pornos! I think im gonna cry.
Im surprised that you are even able to text me right now.
he used his one phone call on me and it said "you have a collect call from- LETS GET IT- at the montgomery county jail".
I'm sorry for throwing the cheese everywhere, but it wasn't my fault. No one was enforcing disipline so not really my fault for not behaving
THEY'RE. IN. YOUR. BED. THEY RANDOMLY SHOW UP. AND GET IN YOUR BED.
Nice. I ate a jello shot out of a bovine blow up doll's love hole last night
I fed him pizza in bed. I'm probably the best one night stand ever.
Her vagina smelled like pancake batter. That's all you need to know.
He is crying over the toilet and his friends just came in and tried to make him take another jello shot.
Forced to cancel my booty call due to the snowpocalypse. This crosses the line.
She climbed up the stairs with three brownies in one fist, two in the other, and one in her mouth. Also, she opened the bedroom door with her foot. I may be in love.
Come over. And we'll put iced coffee in the bong.
Nothing like sunday church bells to aid your walk to the pharmacy to get plan b
I've spent so much time on tinder lately I just tried to left swipe an instagram photo of my neighbor
Banged a guy with 2 broken arms once. Top that
I have to charm this cab driver. Hold on.
Randomize
