Thats something to write home to mom about
Dear Mom, I had sex last nt w a girl that liked to b choked. Im n love. Cant wait for you to meet her
so high. i feel like my whole body is a boner
so we told my parents we were going trick or treating. got high as shit at some playground. and then bought our own candy so we looked legit when we got home.
i was about to cum until he started doing shrek impressions.
Day 8 of being sober: Sniffed an empty beer bottle at a restaurent and almost licked it. This is not working
You will receive a large, large reward, worth much more than the actual phone you are holding, paid not only in cash but in sexual favors, if you return this phone! Please respond if you're interested in cash/sex/or just being a good person. Thanks and hope to hear from you soon!
I'm not saying I'm drunk, but I'm definitely saying my liver has its work cut out for it.
I felt that there wouldn't be enough planB and forgiveness to go around
You should not be allowed to go away on the weekends I plan on getting drunk on. I need someone to stop me from punching this guy in the face. It's simple room mate etiquette.
This is three metal detector wands away from being the strangest porn I have ever been in the audience for.
I can't believe you picked a finger in the ass over lunch with me.
My roomate has me out looking for easter kegs hidden arround town
he woke me up with all the stuff I had at his house in boxes i had to unwrap my own belongings and he said. Happy v-day its time to see ya day! Worst day ever
Don't know how your birthday has been, but mine has involved Hershey's syrup and a blowie. It's safe to say you're playing catch up.
I better get weekly incoherent text messages or I will assume something is wrong.
Randomize
