with your own penis?
I heard it from a little bird bananas is gonna be there
Is this bird reliable bc I don't wanna be wasted running around the bar asking where bananas is
i need a shirt that says "I fuck trainwrecks"
They had miseltoe over the keg.... thats cheating
I don't know what you're doing, but there's a dragon on my street.
I vomitted in the hotel where they film gossip girl last night. Everywhere.
do you think the bartender judged us for asking for shots of well vodka and water chasers?
Dude, you chugged an entire bottle of tomato sauce and got us free drinks for the night. No way was I gonna stop you.
we can fight about whose fault it is later....naked.
I know you're aving fun across the room but I can clearly see you getting a handy. It's not as "low key" as she promised. Also, why are you texting while she's doing it?!
I got custody of our girlfriend in the breakup.
are you still up? I want to use you for sexual things. you have 35 minutes to respond to this offer.
yeah i wanted to show him what i was missing, so i decided to send him a seductive picture, like the ones where the girls are eating strawberries and whipped cream. well i didn't have those, so i sent him a picture of myself naked eating a bagel
sarah's view on last night: a threesome to make things less awkward. oh, well done.
I put him in the supply closet, used the copy paper to build a fort around him and his wheelchair, then he fucked me in the fort.
Randomize
