I have a beer in one hand and a slim fast in another. It's another one of those wednesday nights.
On a scale of one to america, how free are you this weekend?
He sent me a picture of myself smashed completely butt naked passed out on the couch and said "at least I'll have these memories"
Im positive, your name was on my abdomen, Im pretty sure thats solid evidence
For a limited time only, free special muffin with the referral of a loyal dro customer! Have it for breakfast and be happy off your ass all day! Guaranteed! New member must buy at least an eighth. Oh and O's are on sale for 280.
You. Win. At. Life.
I look like a zombie and smell like a stripper. Its gonna be a good day.
All I need right now is some mouthwash, dignity, and security camera footage...
It's almost like a boob-text, but it's not. Because it was live. And you were showing a bunch of people.
Thanks for not locking your door. I had to pee and there was a random person throwing up in my bathroom so I used yours. \nPS I stole your soap
So he's compensating for a really small penis. Either that or he's a drug lord.
Just walked by the barren window naked in a family neighborhood. Who needs dignity.
My neighbors are white girl rapping to Hamilton again...
When God made him he put all his talent in his dick. What he lacks in brain, he makes up for in loin.
YOU WAXED MY CAT YOU SICK FUCK
A lady played my boobs as if they were drums. It's been that kinda night.
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