as for my dating sex life, no more regret sticks. Only pride wands from now on.
Well maybe next time you won't tell me to do whatever I want.
This is the last time I call a hotel to see if you or some random guy paid for the room last night.
and everything will be beautiful and nothing will hurt and we will eat nachos
Guess who is playing his new drum set when his roommate gets home to teach her a lesson about binge drinking to the point of being taken to the emergency room?
Every part of me is in agreement...but mostly my vagina
Do you ever feel like your dog agrees with you? Like REALLY really agrees.
So apparently I ended up throwing my clothes in the toilet after getting kicked out of TQ and ran around the neighborhood in my boxers. Works gonna suck hard once this hangover kicks in. Also: I lost a shoe so looks like flipflops for the rest of winter
Honesty, no. I just want to shower you with hot dogs.
Are you texting, crying and driving?
And missing part of my eyebrow. Correct that is the description one would give of me at the moment.
I jizzed in his mayonnaise and put it back in the fridge. Shouldn't have stolen my weed.
That awkward moment when the guy you were hitting on at the bar last night is a possible suspect in a murder case.
Heading there now. Already have a boner.
Thanks for the hospitality last night.
You mean sex?
Yes....hospitality.
I woke up to pee last night, got out of bed and proceeded to stand there because I had no idea where I was. Then, I heard my sexy as fuck personal trainers voice. Well-played blacked out me.
Randomize
