She had a bottle of NAIR in her bathroom, but she clearly hadn't been using it.
I am now Facebook friends with Donkey Lips from Salute Your Shorts
She walked in the room and sighed really loudly fishing for attention. but I didn't bite cuz I don't give a fuck what's wrong with her.
today i did the best job ever shaving. like my vagina is PERFECT. plus i straightened my hair for a good hour. if i don't get ass tonight, i'm killing a baby.
I took the chef home. His dick even tasted like garlic
This is so stupid. Now I have to call the party planner and tell her that the break up party is off. They decided to get back together.
Until she magically finds a brain, I'm going to be a dick. Fair trade. She's a idiot, I'm an ass.
When I'm drunk I really like to hold dicks. Like, affectionately.
I am going to go back to drinking and listneing to Hanson now. Maybe crying. Or perhaps Full House reruns
I woke up not knowing what state I was in. Turns out, people from Deleware are pretty helpful.
I brought an already opened bag of trail mix from home to snack on today. Some motherfucker ate all the m&ms out of it. I hate my roommates
My thoughts mid terrible hookup: do people normally read a magazine right about now?
How many gummy vitamins can I eat before I die
this old people party is bangin. they have apple cider with everclear in it
to be fair i didnt know she wanted to sleep with me
WHY THE FUCK ELSE WOULD SHE DRAG A STRAIGT MAN INTO A VICTORIA'S SECRET CHANGEROOM GODDAMMIT
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