Doug is wearing your sports bra fyi
She wanted to fuck you. You threw up on her. Congrats.
After last night's events, I googled "how to change your life direction." I found a really helpful ehow.com article.
i just made a girl do the walk of shame. as a bumblebee. i love halloween.
win or lose for butler, i'm still masturbating to brad stevens tonight
I'm more picky about my flip flops than the guys I sleep with
Woke up with his dick on the side of my face, it's like he passed out mid-mushroom stamp.
I think it's starting to become crucial that I find a companion for my vagina.
michael burned off one of his eyebrows making a pizza so he had to shave off the other one to make it look even. it doesn't look right, but I'd still bang him.
When dressing for a 3way, how do I convey to the other chick I care enough to look pretty but not so much that it's a huge deal?
Every guy I've ever fucked is single right now
Pray for me
You need to get a passport so we can carry our bad decisions over the border
I can't really text bc it's too expensive but I thought youd like to know I just shit myself in a gift shop.
We ran out of vodka, so instead of body shots you wanted to do cupcake shots off her naked body...happy birthday to you.
It took me years of patience and pilates and yoga and flirting to land that penis. So yeah, I’m going to ride it into the sunset and live orgasmically ever after
Randomize
