What are you doing tonight?
Watching dora the explorer and pining for a sex life.
I got my nipple pierced! I love it so much!
Well, there goes breastfeeding.
I told you I would drunk text you sometime........its that time.
Girl just texted me a pic of her boobs with the caption "don't think I'm a whore"
She is feeding us popcorn out of her bra
It's a toss up. They'll either laugh and watch you drunkenly fuck on the beach or they'll throw you deep in Mexican jail.
She asked for her virginity back. I don't know what to say
We have such limited time together he literally sends me text messages that are like "I sent my roommates on an impossible quest, we have 15 minutes." it's that bad.
Definitely had a dick in my ass while watching the Seahawks win. Best NFC Championship game ever.
Me: 10% human, 90% poor drunken life choices.
i just thought a plastic bag was my cat. i just pet a plastic bag. that high.
yeah the cops just showed up and they got there ass handed to them at beer pong.
if anyone asks you the platypus in my bathtub is a gift...thats all anyone needs to know
I'm tired of you and your emotional constipation. WHY DO YOU CLOSE YOUR EYES WHEN WE MAKE LOVE!?
Also, I'm not that drunk, but I'm thinking of pulling the blinds all the way up and casting some porn up onto the living room TV to establish dominance over our neighbors.
Randomize
