Good. I was naked most of the night. But sometimes I would wear my tux vest...But only my tux vest. It was classy
I accidentally asked my mom for a blowjob because 'mom' and 'molly' are next to each other in my address book.
You were so drunk you tried to sell your salsa to everyone on the restaurant.
watching espn. realized that the exact place those sportcenter guys are is where I got laid on the beach last superbowl. my sex spot is broadcasted nationwide
Nothing says true friendship like 2 people bonding over potentially having AIDS.
apparently i'm the only person who has heard from her since saturday. she texted me "burt reynolds" at 2am sunday
She wore that goddamn strap-on all night. When she was playing guitar hero it kept getting in the way but she just wouldn't take it off.
This is davidson friend mat i an drunk. Thank you for having a physical relationship. With David. I bet he gas a penis the size of an elephant tusk. You are a lucky lady.
Remind me again why sleeping with a coworker and his wife would be a terrible idea.
How unacceptable would it be to bar hop with a funnel in the square? It's Halloweekend and I plan on going hard. I can claim it goes w/ my costume. But I don't think the MIMITW uses funnels.
Ok so in the last 18 months I have now driven four different dudes into counseling. I'm like heroin with a vagina.
Hate sex is good. Drunk sex is better. Combine those two however and you get the best experience of your LIFE.
You see it tends to piss fathers off when they find their daughter in the arms of a shirtless guy that neither he nor his daughter knows.
I got wing sauce on the baby and licked it off. If you were wondering how I'm doing.
I just bought spray paint, a T-shirt, and a box of magnum condoms. The cashier refused to make eye contact! Haha
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