I just ate 10 fun sized 3 musakteers.. I'm pretty sure I'm about to start my period.
Talk to you next week
Someone obviously heard us on their way to class. They stopped at my door and started singing afternoon delight.
I returned the dress. When they asked for the reason for return I said, 'I don't deserve to wear white'.
Just because it's been in my vagina doesn't mean it's important to me
His pick up line was "your one sexy pumpkin, I'd love to carve." Why would you let me go home with him?
Lol. No. We cannot eat chicken while we have sex. No.
Tim and I found you a 5ish and asked how you were doing with the breakup. All you said was "i can't words"
all I'm saying is that my epic blow jobs have made grown professional football players cry in ecstasy
I actually had to tell him that sex doesn't replace my Tupperware. Our relationship has reached a weird level.
GOIN TO BED BEFORE TEQUILA BLEEDS FROM MY EYEBALLS
After we had breakup sex it took him longer to say goodbye to my boobs than it did to me...
I was just drinking but now I'm drinking and chasing with red bull. I call this "getting ready for work"
Got a $290 noise violation last night for shouting "THE KING OF THE NORTH" til 2 am
DUDE NEVER CALL THE COPS BACK
I saw some guy masturbating in the Burger King parking lot and I’m just fucking done
Randomize
