No more parties with babies... I can't do that again.
Sex should be hot, sweaty, messy, and a little painful. At no point should it involve tiny rocks
BIGGER SANDWIJH COME NIW OR DIE
then my gynecologist said "its like opening up buried treasure"
you cant just puke in an arbys and not order food. thatd be rude.
I can't even look at my running shoes. I swear I drank more in the last 2 days than the last 6 months combined
Dude. You stood in a corner laughing your ass off while folding clothes, facing the wall. Yes, they were weed brownies..
You leaned over so she could squirt ketchup in your hair and then started chanting "KETCHUP NIGHT!! KETCHUP NIGHT!!!"
he had shaved armpits. I repeat: HE SHAVED. HIS. ARMPITS! First hookup of 2014 and it's with a weirdo. Alcohol:1 Me:0
Well, I just bought plan b with the tips I made from the job that I slept with my manager. So yeah, that's my life. How's yours?
Wife and kids came home early...naked passed out covered in chili cheese Fritos dad will haunt them forever.
If I make it home without being sick in this captain's hat it will be a fucking miracle.
Idk how much of a virgin he is but I'm tryna find out.
Apparently "Welcome to the Sin Cave" is not how I'm supposed to answer the door
I want a dick in my left hand and a Crunch Wrap Supreme in my right hand.
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