Remember when I use to call my dick 'the pendulum'
wtf?
It is now the artist formerly known as 'insideyourgirlfriend'
Went home with a 29 year old from the bar. Life lesson: 9 year olds stay up late sometimes
I wish I could google chicago male strippers on my work computer but I don't feel like talking to HR today
i did make 45 jello shots and that makes me feel more productive then any paper would
If I have to go to the hospital can we stop by the liquor store on the way?
Also, drinking coors light. Fuck that. Fuck that in the fucking face.
This guy just told me he wanted to bathe in bong water with me and then tried to lick my nipple through my bra. This could be love.
I want to own their dicks and all the attachments
I asked him why he was eating an entire can of refried beans, the only answer I got was "revenge"
So apparently after I spilled candle wax down the front of my pants, I went to the store, bought condoms, and passed them out to everyone at the bar.
I thought they were lying to me about the condoms, until I found the receipt in my pocket.
I had to help him get his zipper down in front of his dad so he could pee in the bushes. That Is what moonshine does to you.
Come home, I'm drunk on the porch and pretending to smoke breadsticks like cigarettes. Enticing, right?
He and his ex stood there talking about going to get Chinese food while I was half naked searching for my panties
Well... Chad blew off half of his hand last night. We were able to find most of it.
i just woke up from a 4 hour nap, still drunk, to make mac n cheese.
Randomize
