Have you ever seen a 300 pound pregnant lady's boob fall out of her shirt cuz she's not wearing a bra? I have.
better yet, through the bookshelves. like an intellectual glory hole
Someone sharpied 'shit show' on my tits. Someone with excellent penmanship
She passed out in my bed last night before anything happened. She felt really bad about that, so she gave me head when we woke up this morning.
how do i say, "my ex is going to be at this party so don't look like shit" without sounding like a bitch?
Woke up Christmas Eve morning with my face smelling like ballsack.. No regrets.
I could really do without pictures of your asses in my inbox. That said, I'm extremely jealous that I wasn't involved.
I feel like an elephant shit on me and left me to be miserable
He came over drunk in a speedo i told him he has my vote he said who are you voting for when i said obama he took off running and shouting i was worthless like an empty beer can
Just delivered a pizza to a holiday inn and a delivery driver from Me n Ed's walked up at the same time, we both were going to the same floor so we stood in the elevator making small talk about delivery stuff, but a small part of me wanted to deck him, stand over him and shout,"FOR THE HUT MOTHERFUCKER, FOR THE HUT!"
Jesus christ, don't start a pizza delivery gang war.
I knew it was on when all she had to say about the handcuffs was 'I really hope these adjust tighter!'
Vibrator fell off the top of the dresser and hit me. This might be the most embarrassing black eye incident ever
This is gonna be the kind of weekend where if it involves putting on pants, it ain't happening.
Setting myself up for trouble? Yes. But getting laid is a lot more important at this time.
I sharted in court today and had to sit on it for about three and a half hours.
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