I'm looking for sex. Do you know her?
once we finished he held up the condom and asked if i wanted to keep it as a souvenir.
oh and he was serious.
Her dad smelled like someone lit a fart and burned their ass hairs.
I never thought I would say the free bottle of grey goose was the problem but it was
No He hasn't done that since the time he came in his own eye
The ultimate Father's Day bonding experience: Both getting bailed out of jail by mom for mooning some shithead cop.
Moral of the story is go have sex with a foreigner and report back to me.
Stoned, and eating Doritos, and reading about lesbians for class. This is the life.
You took photos of my underwear around London the day after! THAT was too soon.
The amount of drugs I did this weekend make me concerned about my health but at the same time fascinated to see if I could do more
Then a third Canadian I didn't know showed up to the hotel room at like 3am. I let him sleep in our bed because he had pizza.
tinder day one and i already had more guys message me about "the girl with the big tits in my second picture" than about me. MY 17 YEAR OLD SISTER CAN GET LAID WITHOUT EVEN HAVING TO MAKING A PROFILE
to be fair she does have a great rack
I literally have anal toys soaking in the bathroom sink and dinner on the stove. If that doesn't scream "domestic goddess", I don't know what the fuck does.
Okay, the good news, found Jared, all IDs accounted for, Jack is meeting us at yours with your requested the delivery. The bad news: Lost Alice, banned from Stages, possibly fucked my TA in the bathroom.
And you know what the worst part is? Because of him I can now relate to a goddamn Taylor Swift song. FUCK. MY. LIFE.
Randomize
