Yea...but the guy who is beating me has a ponytail. So actually, I'm the winner here.
Woke up in 100% not my clothes this morning. Third time this month. Fuck. Tequila.
my dad is drunk dialing our relatives who are stuck in a blizzard asking them to pick up sun tan lotion for him cause hes too drunk to drive to the store.
we usually just have an Easter beer hunt and never end up at church anyways
I asked her if she was the outdoorsy type, she replied "I had sex on a fourwheeler once, does that count?"
Come my child we shall walk thru the pasture of amazing sex and corndogs. Hint:some corndogs are not corndogs.
I left my bra and a book at his place. He's a hot Scandinavian who is into physics and computers - had to step up my game.
Just walked into your room to get my clothes and he's still passed out in your bed. Remind me to high five you when you get home
I need an inhaler full of pot for all of this breathless rage.
Guess who's the proud owner of her very own foxtail butt plug!!
Just so you know.. If you ever cheat on me, i will cut your dick and fingers off and post them as my cover photo on Facebook. Love you.
I woke up naked wrapped in a wolf blanket on the bathroom floor
I made an executive decision to rename my Resume file to something other than MONEYMONEYMONEY.
Can I get my morals surgically removed?
You have GOT to stop kicking in his kitchen door. Just wait for him to open it next time.
Randomize
