Someone told me they could tell we were from cincinnati because we say "as fuck" after adjectives
i was so high last night while i was driving i felt like i was riding a bike with no pedals
laughing at 16 and pregnant while fucking w/o a condom....
i always knew you were classy
Max was wondering if he could trade you sex for the use of your jumper cables
Pretty sure I just became the first person ever to use the word "boner" in a wedding card...
What's the appropriate I've been inside you but we're not technically dating valentines present?
Sign out of Gchat. Right now my gchat list is entirely girls I've slept with.. and you. You are fucking up my gchat chi.
You drink it until you puke in a vent one time and it's ruined forever.
It's truly amazing how much porn I can get in while my phones at 1% battery life.
if i do community service solely to impress a guy, everyone wins, right?
except your soul
You were so drunk that you didn't even notice when I switched out your shot of jäger for a shot of maple syrup...before or after you drank it.
You asked for 4 things: your phone, your wallet, your keys and your denture. I stopped asking questions.
please tell dad to clear the porn off his tablet before he lends it to anyone from now on
I'm not asking for life coaching, I'm just asking if you know where I left my underpants.
Unexpected pussy is the best kind. Never expected to get any from a stranger at my little brother's bar mitzvah.
Mazeltov!
Randomize