I hate when you've made an ugly girl's day by having sex with her, and then she gets greedy and wants to cuddle after you cum.
You would only drink if the space jam soundtrack was playing, you thought it was hilarious that before every shot you said "y'all ready for this".
I wish they had a "No Yankees" filter on status updates.
Using manwich sauce as ketchup. Not bad. Love college.
I mean I gotta puke to be skinny, wax to be hairless, and drink to be fun. Life isn't easy.
do to the flooding of the park, there will be a midnight bikini mud wrestling party behind my dorm. all are welcome.
i feel like pizza bites are my only friend right now
I never thought I'd say this but my vagina is taking a serious break for awhile
God forbid we drive unregistered mopeds without license plates on a pedestrians only sidewalk without goggles while flipping off passing cars.
Okay I can't even be mad, I'm in mid-plot to hook up with Michael Phelp's third cousin.
My booty call just moved 2 min from my house
This has pregnancy written all over it
i need some food
Holy shit I forgot about you stabbing him.
I walked by the two of them and mouthed "fuck me" based on there reaction I think they just came in their pants
Would love to dress up in respectable attire and take you out somewhere nice and then do disgusting crude things in public
don't worry dude i have your phone, text me when youre gonna come get it
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