Thanks to blow jobs, my margarita's at the bar are only 3dollars.
I will one day have loud vengeance sex as my revenge against you. Until then I'm just going to sit in the living room playing John Mayer while you're trying to do it.
Nothing like studying in the College of Communication to make you realize how smart you are.
He asked the clerk if they sell a penis-shaped brander.
You never know, some chick could have a weird unibrow fetish.
I got laxative. And a toothbrush. Because who wants to buy just laxative on a Friday night?
btw, whatever u do, dont try and take that towel away from her..i tried, it got ugly..she said some things im sure she regrets.
What I've learned from glowsticks: glowing things are not safe to eat
walk of shame. I'm wearing my rain jacket over my dragon costume. My tail keeps dragging in the rain.
"I feel morally obligated to vote for him since he's my drug dealers dad"
Well just give me the address, I'll bring the bourbon. If they let that into mental institutions
i just used a selfie stick to take an ass pic. i hate myself.
one nice thing about being home: no walks of shame, just drives of shame
No we didn't talk. I was high and doing naked yoga in the living room when she walked in so it was just awkward. I didn't even know my dad had a girlfriend.
How did I end up with the cock ring?!
Randomize
