I'm eating all of the evidence.
Brandy, I need a picture of your boobs. Not time to explain.
girl in front of me in lecture is looking up on ask.com about chlamydia.
I learned an important lesson last night: Jameson giveth, but Jameson also taketh away.
Cruelly.
Turns out getting tied up to two door handles and forced to repeatedly cum is actually a really good ab workout.
Come get her ASAP. She's "people bowling," which is just her rolling into random groups of people. People look pissed.
Is adulthood just morning sex and then walking through the grocery store 20 min later looking for something to take to work for lunch?
...and then running into your dad at said grocery store...
it wasn't until he got that douchey haircut that i started regretting sleeping with him
I don't save the phone numbers of guys I don't like. That way it's a surprise when a random number texts me and tells me I have great tits.
Are you considering all the consequences of doing your boss or are you just rationalizing with your vagina?
You tried to pay for our cab with the 2 dollars you got from selling your natty ice outside the strip club.
So I woke up alone in the hotel room clutching a bible to my chest. Explain, please.
So here's a tip: don't give a blowjob the same morning you're going to the dentist. Cuz they will think you have "mouth trauma."
I feel like sleeping with foreign people is a long term investment. It's like a time share. Now when I go to London I have a place to stay.
WHY IS THERE A GOLD FISH IN MY BONG??
Randomize
