Im so sleepy and hes snoring super loud! i just wanna suffocate him, sleep, and deal with the body when I wake up
Approach what situation? Look, I dunno if you think I'm like some lezbo cheetah waitin in some shrubs to pounce on you the second I see you, but I'm not!
well, everyone in my office is getting a nice laugh right now. But seriously... please delete my number
her lazy eye was starring daggers at me.
Just set a new record on Need For Speed at the arcade. Had to enter Tiger Woods as the name.
I am laying on the kitchen floor eating cold chicken fingers and drinking wine. welcome to my new years party.
4pm on a Sunday....roomate fucking like a wildabeast while I have a organic chemistry study group in my kitchen.
That sucks about the drama. But hey, it's always a good day when you see someone get tazed!
It's official, the cities waste management does not recycle porn.
You need to simmer down or I'm going to buy you a labia leash.
A houseboat for a bachelor party is a terrible idea, we nearly die when on dry land, so how the hell are we supposed to survive a 3 day binge on a massive lake?
Her Grandmother felt me up AND paid for dinner. If she doesn't get her shit together I'm gonna be her Step Grandfather.
Rule 1: If any of us dies on a trip, the other two have to 'Weekend at Bernies' the shit outta that corpse...
Dude I'm drinking alone and watching cartoons. How is it that someone as hot as me is doing this.
I woke up with a pillow, shampoo and a plant in my fridge. Eggs in the toilet, and I was wearing three pairs of girls underwear. What happened last night
You might see me up a tree with a deranged look in my eye , just walk away at that point
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