I got into an eating contest with Christina. I ate 6 oranges.
Why? Who won?
we don't know. we ran out of oranges.
I woke up fully clothed on top of my sheets and i didnt even pee myself..so proud.
I just love slightly exposed cleavage. Not too much to be whory but just enough to say "your kids will never go hungry"
It's official. Every single female in their late teens and early 20s get their fb statuses from a pool of cliched "quotes" which all say, without saying, "boys treat me like shit, I know they do, but one day I'll find 'the guy' who will treat me right no matter how psychotic I am." Vom.
beware of the wheat thins...there might be a knife in it
Dude, you chugged an entire bottle of tomato sauce and got us free drinks for the night. No way was I gonna stop you.
i've never been that scared in my life. i ran naked into the corner and he just stood there trying to shield his boner from the light.
Nothing like drunkenly buying a pregnancy test at 8 am to get out and realize your nip was out the whole time.
Drunk me is basically the Oprah of nudes. Everyone gets one.
Listen here, Ms. "I'm Gonna Get Super Drunk and Run From My Friends Screaming That They Were Going to Drag Her to a Scientology Recruitment Camp"...
I literally just want someone to fuck me and buy me cheeseburgers. I don't even want a relationship at this point. Just a chew toy and some food.
I swear, I make more use of my creative writing major with sexting than I do with anything else
I had to put my dog down, accidentally outed my brother, and was given a fucking fish sandwich instead of a Big Mac ALL IN ONE DAY! Am I really the person you want to consult for advice? Hhhmmmmmm?
He’s like an awkward walking penis that has a personality attached
Started my new year off by being hospitalized with pneumonia. You?
Found out I'm pregnant.
I'll stick with pneumonia.
Randomize