its like my vagina has this homing beacon out to all the guys saying "come find me, i havent been shaved in weeks"
I got to watch him fuck me from behind in the reflection of an ornament. so glad I decorated.
With any luck I will spend the duration of this flight with my tray table up my seatbelt securely fastened and my face in his lap
The Deck is crawling with Cougars. Sound the irresponsibility alarm and come drink with me on a Tuesday night.
Just had that moment when you realize the two drunk women shoving all their money down your clothes were your middle school teachers...
Someone with the Instagram name "hymenbreaker" just liked a photo of me and my grandma. I feel ashamed.
You told me that you were mad me because I wouldn't let you 'explore my castle'. Then you said I smelled like a hospital and passed out.
Mate, you pissed in my bed. Then told me to "Just keep swimming"
Omg my butt feels so much better. Those suppositories are magic. It feels like Jesus fingered me in my sleep.
I've officially dedicated my newly single life to making myself squirt.
Shia LaBeouf arrested in austin for public intoxication. JUST DO IT
I just stood beside an Amish man and bought Cocoa Krispies and tampons.
I'm shotgunning a meatball sub and watching flip or flop. i have reached a new level of singledom.
I threw up in the middle of a bar last night and still managed to get laid! Happy thanksgiving!
I really need to stop having sex.. I haven't been able to get a brush through the back of my hair for a good week and a half
Randomize
