I'm gonna stay in bed all day and watch porn in an attempt to stay warm.
Just found a hole in my wall with your left shoe in it.
since i'm not going, you must continue my tradition of flashing every person there.
Last two new years I ended in jail by 12. Can we wait until its actually 12:02 this time to do something stupid. I'd like to spend the first minute of 2012 free.. At least.
it's like I can see my whorish nature reflected back at me in his wedding ring.
Dude she hit me with my own penis and it hurt. I've never been cock slapped but she slapped me with my own cock so it has to be worse.
Besides the one of you shaking your cock for 10sec that was one of the best snapchat's ever haha
Last night you told me you "were too high" and didn't deserve a hashbrown.
I'm definitely not at Wal-Mart eating jalapeno poppers with an elevated blood alcohol content
I hope you get eaten by satanic starfish.
I'm tripping pretty hard right now but every time a Volvo drives by I feel like everything is gonna be alright
Wow just discovered I can communicate my favorite sex positions using only emojis god bless this age of technology
How do you make a Facebook status saying how much you fucking hate yourself without being aggressive enough for people to worry about your safety
Cuz that's where I'm at
Day drunk. He was sitting in the back seat, opened the door, leaned out, and peed right there in the dutch bros drive through. No one even noticed haha
I love you, but seriously, that was way too long a thesis on an Arby’s curly fry being wrapped around schlong!
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