you poured 3 beers into an empty vase and then passed out, so i drank them for you. don't say i'm not a good friend.
My neighbor asked me to tell you to stop changing in front of their house. Do I even want to know?
My only objective is to get drunk enough to forget the last 364 days.
I have to bobbypin his pubes for us to have sex. The other day he wanted me to braid them.
It might have taken me 30 minutes but I finally finished the toast I made. That hungover.
He is into some weird shit i walked in his room last night he was waving his hard dick around hitting shit yellin cock fight
I feel like I grabbed someones dick last night, & if I didn't I'll be disappointed in myself
They were scared I was going to get lost last night so they dressed me up as Waldo so someone would always find me.
spending my first valentines day single in 3 years blazed and eating heart shaped brownies i bought myself. WHO NEEDS A MAN.
Because she seems like the type to give it up for a box of fruit rollups.
Please tell me I made it home with both shoes on
Nope
for the record im never blowing a guy on the toilet again, that was sad and degrading
Check snapchat. Selfie game still on point mid vomit.
These muscle relaxers obviously don't work because I'm harder than a fucking diamond.
It took him 15 minutes to put the condom on.
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