I have demons in me.
just saw Chris Hanson on the street. looked immediately around for video cameras. why is that my immediate reaction?
a cemetary is a place for people to rest in peace and you just spermed all over their land
dude i've broken up a marriage, I think I can handle a simple engagement.
My mom gave me a book called "why good people do bad things"
I didn't realize you were one of the "good people"
I positioned my bed perfectly so around 10 a.m. every morning there are rays of sunshine coming through the window in my room. Now i can tan while PTFO.
I'm in Target and the lady in front of me is buying three Summer's Eve douches, a box of fishsticks and a giant bottle of vodka. The sad thing is I get it.
For my job application I just put "community gardener- personal business" for my previous work experience in place of the neighborhood pot grower/distributor
i find it unbelievable that you didn't think it was necessary to intervene when i started letting people autograph my body with spray tan.
Well, let's see..I held him while he cried for 30-40 minutes, woke up on his couch AND he gave me a ride home in his underwear. Shit show is not even the half of it.
I was about to attempt a citizen's arrest on my RA
Can't you just imagine you've grudge fucked me so we can get past this?
I'm just to the point my give a fucks is so far in the red that I'm going to have to take out a 30yr loan of fucks to repay it
If I could go one week without being called a maneater or a spanish trolip that would be great.
Something is wrong here. The birds are chirping and I'm not fucking you, I'm not getting head and I don't smell bacon. Why am I up this early then?
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