Forgive me I'm always horny when I wake up
I hope you have a really shitty weekend. I love you.
and by charming I mean he has a horse cock.
Woke up and went out for a cigarette and it was dead quiet. It was like the world just knew how many mistakes were made last night.
i walked in on you eating. you had the fridge wide open and you were rotating between steak and handfuls of captain crunch.
I feel like I ran a fucking marathon on my knees last night and there are bruises to prove it.
Pissed along side the highway while waving at all the traffic... if thats not a sign of a productive night to come then idk what is
I fucked her wearing an American flag. Now here I am, awake, naked, and flag less. How do I report this to the police?
The least you could do is send me some gibberish so I know you're alive.
Fuhga
Thank you.
There will always be a place in my black heart for him because he gave me my first sex-induced orgasm. While you slept on the bunk above.
we need to tell them stories about when happens when we're sober so they think they know what they're in for when they're actually completely unprepared for whn happens when we get drunk
Leaving Denver airport I just saw a group of young Republicans in matching green T-shirts that said "4/20 Baby!"
I didn't know how to commemorate his death, so I snorted a fat line off of his obituary. Rest in peace.
My boobs look fucktastic, I have a booty call on Sunday and a dick photo on my phone. Life is grand!
Buying a new pipe this morning, and setting up career plans this afternoon. It's called balance
Randomize
