stupid gm bankruptcy made me miss the showcase showdown
Those cock suckers. We need to know who's winning the hot tub and the vacation to the alps
how much do you want to bet that her wedding invites will be vera bradley themed? loser has to frame theirs.
My balls are about to become a huge part of your mouth's life
it was almost as awkward as hearing my parents on friday nights in 2 in the morning starting, and than hearing at 2:01 my dad getting up and my mom going "i should have married a man"
I hate myself for saying your mom and I have the same friday nights.
don't worry... so do I
He has some good qualities. Beneath the layers of asshole and fat.
My vagina can tell he is in a metal band. I dont know if I can sit down.
judging by her collection of mens sweaters, shes fucked the entire lands end catalog.
The usual, im laying out. Ipod on shuffle, Large spray bottle to cool myself of and a smaller one filled with chilled vodka. I can spray the vodka right in my mouth without even opening my eyes. THIS IS LIVING....
You did it first. I was merely expressing my support for you, by pressing my testicles against a window.
Because guys aren't supposed to cry. Especially when it's over a dude singing a Christmas carol.
I was just lying down, dumping goldfish into my mouth and they like all came out I thought I was going to choke and die and people would be like damn that's so sad, she died laying in bed stuffing her face and reading kanye wests twitter, damn.
But the problem is you celebrate with your heart but I celebrate with my liver
just licked whipped cream off some model's nipple... just coming clean for when the pic gets on instagram because i am not untagging that shit
Just trying to show you I care.
Isn't it supposed to be "what would you like for dinner?" instead of "how do you take your blow?"
Hey, you're the one who asked me to mc to move in.
Drinking at 10 in the morning and swimming might not be the best idea I've ever had but it beats working
Randomize
