she looks like someone took a bunch of spare parts and glued them all on one face. it's quite horrifying.
It says i should accept HIV aids as my friend on facebook.We have 12 friends in common. I need new friends.
Just found a dugout in my rental car glove box. Suddenly my mood is upbeat.
why does the wii remote smell like your vag?
We gave a starfish gin and Lucky Charms. I think it enjoyed it. Best trip to the beach ever.
4 am. She strained the mac and cheese onto her legs. She has no skin.
I may be new to bar life, but full on grabbing my vag shouldn't happen...anywhere.
And the best part is I don't remember putting the condom in my pocket! Angels officially exist
Please tell me you werent the one who replaced every beer bottle in my fridge with a picture of a baby kitten.
... and if i was..
Fuck. You.
Your children are clinging to me like my teets are full of bountiful milkiness. They're driving me nuts. I felt my uterus shrivel up.
I was a bouncer for about 90 seconds until the real bouncers figured out that I was doing their job
P.S. If you wake up before noon it still counts as morning sex
blue gatorade loses no color upon regurgitation
I'm drinking on a Thursday because I can
Today is Wednesday you jobless drunk
I just feel weird about accepting their wedding invite when I've got a post-engagement video on my phone of him jacking off in my bathroom.
Randomize
