omg this kid i'm babysitting is making a penis out of playdough ahhhh.
He just rolled me a 'baby penis' as opposed to his 'big boy' penis that he crafted...he just demanded that I roll him a penis.
Dude, I woke up in the kitchen, naked, with a blueberry bagel as a pillow.
Can I eat your pillow?
My cousin had a baby so we have to look at it. Apparently the event is byob
I miss the good ol' days when we would yell at strangers from your balcony while wearing our mexican ponchos in the middle of the day.
what ever happened to our old dealer?
You know, last years football game was epic, but seeing the same girl that gave you a bj in the parking lot, in the same parking spot...that's fate.
Got so drunk in South Padre some guy put me on a suitcase trolly and pushed me to my room. I flashed my boobs as a tip.
All those movies are bullshit, there is no way to run down a line of parked cars, they`re too far apart. my faces hurts so much right now
If we can put a man on the moon, I'm sure we can turn a pringles can into a bong.
At least I made out with him before he made out with that dog...
I forgot about snapchatting a pic of us, but I remember flossing with your hair.
I feel like there should be a 'roommate information section' of the paperwork when there's a chance you'll be given pain killers.
I walked out in my coconut bra, and that's when it all went downhill.
My butthole probably tastes like a Cinnabon right now
Conversations really do change when your social worker had your dick in her mouth the other night.
Since when is my clitoris pierced?
Randomize
