Dude i just saw JT leaving the hospital. He drove there to get fluids because he was too drunk, so they hooked him up to an IV so he didn't get alcohol poisoning. Did I mention he drove there? Oh yea and our roommates in the hospital with alcohol poisoning, she just puked up coal. So many ppl are here, it's like a hospital party, I love spring quarter!
i'm unexpectedly in a limo, eating poutine. the driver just offered me coke. good idea?
Just found a dugout in my rental car glove box. Suddenly my mood is upbeat.
I know I know. I considered playing it sober but after I typed out IS SHE A GENIE? I knew it was impossible to hide.
I'd really appreciate it if we could dress up as pilgrims and indians for the thanksgiving eve bar crawl
Her little brother walked in right as I was finishing and was like "uhhh hey there's a lunar eclipse outside"
He just broke up w his most recent gf again, wish I could message her and be like it's not you he's gay.
He will not just "come" out of the closet. He will fall out, 69ing me, with two fingers in his starving asshole, wearing cum splattered lady gaga sunglasses, weeping.
That was the greatest thing i have ever read.
I ate her out for so long I might actually shit a vagina
Being single/not living at home sucks. All I want is someone I can force to pick up my pizza for me so I don't have to talk to anyone.
Human centipede...with the teletubbies. That's what my nightmare had in it.
I don't even want to know.
You yelled This cop is arresting me for possession! Possession of MARIJUANA!!", everyone cheered, and you let him handcuff you and take you away.
Everything is a learning experience. Last night we learned why I'm not allowed to bring guys home from the bar....
He just kept pissing on the couch as we were yelling at him while he repeatedly told us "its going to be okay".
You went home with a guy at 11... than returned to the bar at 1
Randomize
