Listen the way I know if I'm drunk is if I have stage fright in the pisser if I do then I'm not drunk! And I definitely still do right now!
i just ordered an al pacino with double mocha at starbucks.. i'm waiting to see how long it takes the chick to realize what i said.
Just so we both are on the same page, I have no solid plans as to where I'll be sleeping tonight.
The most interesting things happen to you when your pants come down. I truly envy you.
Is it bad that we're talking like nothing happened?
Ah. Blossoming love after wild blackout drunk sex.
I think whatever his name is just puked on the stairs. Just an fyi for the morning. Love you.
I stayed at the bar and helped clean up cause I was told I'd get free shots. Didn't happen.
you know it takes a lot for me to use utensils conservatively
judging from the lines on my body they wheeled me back in a shopping cart
I'm bringing vagina and cookies. You'll be fine.
Survival tip #3: while you're hooking up with him, don't say he reminds you of his brother
Guess who just rode home in a cop car?! Your Fav flamingo
She's the perfect storm of great hair, big boobs, intellectualism, and mild moral ambiguity.
I feel like 20 angels jizzed in my mouth. This cupcake is DELICIOUS!
She was blacked out at her own party. It felt good to stand next to her while she laid on the floor and say "vomit does not look good on you."
Randomize
