these pics are all outta focus - was this what the camera saw? or what your eyes saw?
he just kept repeating that I have nice areolas
Just remembered to take my BC at the liquor store. Just swallowed it with a free sample of Whiskey.
I have three paper towels stuck up my vagina. This is not a time to be calm.
I feel like a fucked a broomstick last night. You get a gold star.
You weren't just peeing. You were like grinding on it. And you tried to pee in the washing machine first.
Just did a drug deal on the toy aisle at walmart, Merry Christmas
It's just not a Friday night unless I'm getting propositioned by a guy in a wheelchair via Facebook messenger...
I messaged him asking for his address. He replied with the address then said, "If you're gonna stalk me, I'm the third window on the side and usually get naked around 8am and anytime randomly after 6pm (listen for music).. If you're sending anthrax, I'm 6'2" 225lbs so send a good amount."
YOU ARE SO GOD DAMN LOUD AND YOU'RE SHAKING THE GOD DAMN HOUSE. FUCKING STOP.
Who the fuck cries when they're stoned?!
Sorry man I just really wanted a McChicken
You peed in a public fountain and then felt bad so you put dish soap in it; 4 ft tall bubbles.
I'm so sorry for trying to eat your puzzle last night...
I may have dislocated my hip getting fucked on the bathroom counter
I just deff did the walk of shame.. His roommate/manager woke us up. A dog scared me on my stumble to the car.
This is why I'm single.
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