i was rollin on her like bob the builder
He must hate going to the bathroom. Every time he does he is reminded how small his dick is.
I did not just catch my dad watching porn.I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn.I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn.
Dear vodka that I hid in a water bottle in the backseat of Blairs car, I'm sorry that she gave you away to a man on side of the road with an over heated engine. I'm sure the car doesn't appreciate you as much as I would have.
There's nothing I can say to make me pepper spraying you any better
Do you know how I hurt my ankle or my shoulder? Or the origin of any of the following mystery bruises: left quad, left wrist, right elbow. Thanks for playing.
Welcome to the difference between being FWBs (remember how we used to see who could get more lap dances a night?) and being in a relationship. Fun, huh?
I'm in the middle no shirt white shorts humping the white dustbuster next to the guy shooting off the tazer infront of the two guys humping on the bicycle
alll i remember is comming back downstairs, his pants were off and he was aplauding me
I need to wash the frat house off of me
Remember earlier when I was excited about finding that birth control pill in my purse? Definitely acid.
I'm not coming to work today because tequila
Sooo, did you delete me cause I said I wouldn't babysit you while you did shrooms? You're a grown man.
my mom talks about my drinking like its a problem and yet this morning she fills me a solo cup with champagne for the shower.
Are you hungover?
No. I'm hiding under my covers and hoping it doesn't find me.
Randomize
