help help how do i get him away from me should i talk in a robot voice or something
I am so stoned and my professor is handing out candy. I love Halloween.
Want any specific kind of beer?
Yeah. Alcohol flavor.
Got it. Anything but Miller.
thankjk goddddn taco bell uis open htis lateee!
you do know it's eleven in the afternoon, right?
please dont let the old guy in the wheelchair see you when you wake up
It's the eternal vodka... it never seems to go away
I tried to take a photo for proof but couldn't hold my penis, camera, and measuring tape all at the same time.
you were sat in the corner crying until someone gave you a baguette, which you then tried to feed to the duck doorstop.
I regret nothing
If, when you wake up, you're wondering why you're in the bathtub, it's because when I tried to move you, you yelled that that was cheating and tried to kick me in the face.
Fair enough.
When he saw my tits he said "wow you should be proud.
you never know what sharing a kayak could lead to
It's true
Metaphysical thesis on the illusion of self+ 2 day adderal binge = the walls of reality are crumbling
please come back they are interrogating me about masturbation
Thought about it. I'm gonna go to work, but I'm gonna tell them I wrestled a bear saying I fell just isn't working.
Current dream situation- Gordon Ramsey is my Uber driver and he's hauling around a backseat filled with chocolate covered açai berries. I'm good for eternity.
Randomize