I'm just sayin u wanted to sleep after ur paper. I can make u sleep
That was definitely a porn plot just waiting to develop...
Dude I still wanna know who I had sex with on new years eve
she tried strangling devon with the garden hose. pretty sure they're broken up
in literally every picture i'm wearing less and less of my costume.
I just read "to infinity and beyond" as "to infidelity and beyond" something is seriously wrong with my psyche
So this bar tattoo not looking that great now
last thing I remember was someone walking in on me sitting in the bathtub listening and singing along to Britney spears "Till the world ends" on repeat.
You're best friend just tackled me....naked....brought me to his room where he had freshly baked cinnamon rolls. I didn't know he could cook
I was all, oh. I've had tattoos and broken a limb. Waxing my lady parts will be a cake walk. I was wrong.
The awkward moment your booty call shows up to the Mexican restaurant and realizes you just picked burritos over pussy
When God made him he put all his talent in his dick. What he lacks in brain, he makes up for in loin.
High me is so sweet. She left not-high me a fortune from a fortune cookie and 6 packets of soy sauce in my tampon drawer.
It's three am. I'm drunk in a stairwell in Vegas. My flight leaves at six. Help.
momentary stint on a second floor library computer...guy next to me snorted blue adderall off his notebook through a cut straw, i cant tell if this guy is my hero or just plain crazy...
Randomize
