You were in the corner dancing by yourself yelling "I look good", when really you looked ridiculous and drunk
I am paying my roommate as much of the electric bill in pennies as possible because I hate her.
First funeral I've ever been to where the cops had to come.
Just because you put plan b in my Easter basket doesn't give you an excuse not to wear a condom.
I think if it were a part of everyone's daily routine, the world would be happier. International Finger Yourself While Bathing Day.
I'm doing homework tonight but if you end up going out drinking I would like one courtesy peer pressure text.
You helped blow my nose... Ok it's safe to say we are on a new level of relationship..
Come here I'm naked
And I want mozzarella sticks
I don't like how my gyno is telling me how to live my life.
My move is emasculating men with my superior intellect and it's not as charming when they can't see my huge rack.
(440): please tell me you didn't have sex in my dress.. IT'S A VIRGIN DRESS.
As of right now, my vibrator and a bag of snickers share the same drawer
sooo, that video of you eating lasangna with the strobe going magically reappeared on my phone
Jus pulled over and stole. Corn out of a. Field. ... get on my level
I woke up an hour ago with orange fingers and a condom stuck to my head.. Wtf just happened?
Randomize
