I think im in love with that girl with the googlie eyes last night. She was looking in my eyes and at my dick at the same time. we are going out again tonight.
The online application for Mcdonald's said I could do incredible things there. Today I threw out shit filled underwear in the women's restroom and escorted a very drunk/high 42 year old man outside after he ordered a 5 dollar foot long and a bloody mary.
He's like the houdini of condoms. I never even realized he put one on before we fucked. he's magical.
at least the cop wrote "happy birthday" on the ticket.
Just bought an airhorn. Bad things will happen.
Will you please bring me a line of coke at work without asking questions?
All I want to do is fuck in the bell tower before it leave this school. Is that too much to ask?
Quesedillas should not make me weep and drinking water should not make me feel like god is giving me mouth to mouth. Never again.
do you remember when we thought we were both knocked up by the same guy like two days apart and would have half twins? Thats a best friend moment.
Just a heads up... Don't get high and attempt to do your own taxes
he fucked me with his goalie mask on. it was like sleeping with Darth Vader
I try not to have friends with attractive fathers, it only brings my morals down.
Yeah, I fucked him. and the worst part is his name was Jesus. And nobody said it in Spanish. Just Jesus. There is no way I can avoid burning when I walk into a church from now on.
I just want to hook up with Ed Sheeran. Why does it have to be so difficult?
just because he was passed out beside the toilet, didn't give you tge right to pee on him
my aim is off when im drunk
Randomize
