Who haven't you slept with?
No one comes to mind.
Dude sorry i couldnt seem to spell any words right in the texts i sent you last night
I felt like a fucking code breaker.
So you coming over for some grilled cheese and head?
Just saw some girl biking on campus with a babyseat on the front. Baby included. Do you know how many points that'd be worth?
Abby. I can text perfectly. I pledge allegiance to the flag of the united states of america. and to the republic, for which we stand, one nation under god indivisible and with liberty and justice for all god bless america
You tried to call "time out" during the sobriety test.
he made his penis look like a sprinkler when he was coming. it was pretty cool actually.
I'm going to need your assistance. I cannot walk back to the house in a bear costume.
You climbed into the Suite next to us at the game so you could steal the half eaten hot dog someone had left on the table. That high.
The shit I just took made me regret every life decision leading up to it.
That guy drinking savagely was actually at his buddy's gay bachelor party in the male stripper section. He came over to the chicks side so we drank with him.
He had some sort of penis-related post traumatic stress disorder, but body shots seemed to wake him up
Also, thank you for letting me cry in your lap on the bathroom floor. I can't remember if I was clothed at that point, but if I wasn't, extra thank you.
Please tell me you're not playing strip poker with your cousins again
we told you you couldn't get your dick sucked because you were a girl and you yelled at us and said we were 'discriminating you'
My roommates don't agree with the whole tv in the bathroom idea. Fucking barbarians.
Randomize
