apparently when i got back to tyler's i layed face down on the bed and yelled "don't hurt my asshole!"
I just saw a homeless man with a cat on a leash. reminded me of you.
So while she was giving me a lap dance I told her I quit med school. Just so she didn't feel like the only one who's made bad decisions in their life.
Being a girl sucks.
Being a boyfriend sucks for about a week, too
Let's just say for some reason we thought it was okay to make a burrito smoothie.
I'm stranded in the Hampton area. Looks like I'm going to have to take one for the team and pass out by this applebees.
We talk about tequila and blow jobs the way that normal people talk about the news and the weather.
I finally looked at the pictures from last night thanks for feeding me and pulling my pants up
Mom and dad should be so proud half of their children have gotten naked in the same local grocery store
The quality of my porn watching experience has significantly declined. Thanks shattered iphone screen
Is it too far to say to someone "you're useless for everything besides sex"
Last night you were throwing up in my toilet singing "all by myself."
so idk what that means but now because of me he has a police file as breaking into my apartment and sleeping in my hallway under the carpet
youll appreciate my drinking habit one day...
You left me a note that said "The Earth is blowing up. Bring the Rosé." WTF.
Randomize