and trust me i need no booty pop lessons
So she started giving everyone lap dances, and i was like "i think i like this chick"
Public safety found my id!
And i can't find my bra so i'm assuming they found my bra with my id which would explain the disapproving tone the lady on the phone had.
you know what sucks? talking to chicks you dont want to have sex with
Have you seen my high heels that I wore out?
You mean the one that you threw at the parked cop car or the one in the microwave?
If I don't have carpet burn in the morning you aren't trying hard enough.
WHY DO YOU ALWAYS PUT THE PLUG IN THE SINK BEFORE YOU PUKE IN IT
oh wow I have been there. Hell one time Matt and I woke up naked with pizza rolls in the bed.
Purse pizza: the pizza you buy before the club, and you eat on the train home. I thought you knew me by now!
Well that's the second time I've broken a lamp during sex this month. Starting to worry I'm some kind of X-man. (this one was a wall sconce and I fully smashed it with my head and it crumbled like it was made of sugar)
The topic of sex in the jamba banana suit has come up on multiple occasions. We're just waiting for a moment to try it out.
When you and that girl went into the bedroom, you yelled "FOR NARNIA!"
Good news. That bum you thought that died is alive.
Oh were you the stripper at that club last Sunday when i was trippin on acid wearing a giraffe outfit?
What happened lastnight it looks like I had sex with edward scissor hands....my back is so messed up
my bad i broke a mirror over your back
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