"Does your mom know how big your cock is?" Worst dirty talk I've ever had.
So you had sex with my brother?
It sounds like you dont need me to answer that.
the amount of times i have wished for a boxed wine emoticon is almost alarming. almosttt
stop bragging. last time i got laid i got double pink eye, and it was so not worth it
I apparently insisted on hugging all the bushes and apologizing for pollution on the way home.
After she asked if she could try to fit her toe ring around it, i decided to leave. Thats the life i live
I mean you would really have to try to not have fun at a party that doesn't require pants....
This is not a costume party, I'm just wearing fairy wings.
Of course you are.
His friend still there? Be like "I need to see both of your dicks ASAP"
He sent me a selfie with his cat. He has found a way to my heart. And pants.
Sorry if that was awkward, i will never call you sober ever again
I just got home and spray-tanned my boyfriend. That's the side of relationships they don't tell you about...
You left your pants here again. 4th time in a row. How can you walk home without pants?
He stopped the gas pump at 69 and gave me my receipt. He wants it.
She sent a group text pic called "Assemble" of his dick next to her forearm.
I'm down.
Randomize
