How wet are you?
Ever heard of a U-boat?
When I meet a new girl, I'm terrified of mentioning something she hasn't already told me but that I have learned from some light internet stalking.
I told her I was team Edward. I haven't gotten laid that easy since I told your sister that I had cancer
No, he will live forever, like cockroaches and Jack Bauer.
he came on my stomach, took his sock off, wiped it up, put his sock back on along with his shoes and left.
It's a 2 hour train ride a 7 in the morning, of course we're bringing alcohol
there are some nice people on this island. free ride free pancakes and they even prayed for us when they dropped us off
I know this request is pointless but you two please try to keep the drinking and drug use to a minimal, I have bail money so write my number on your arm and a "if found call", wear a life jacket and act like a responsible 28 year old please.
anyone who texts me today gets a complimentary picture of my mangled foot. starting with you.
ewwwww wtf when you left last night you were fine?
There would be some who claim I got a little "carried away" or that we "probably don't need that many jello shots". They would be wrong.
I told her I didn't have a condom. She then sized me with her thumb and finger and tossed me a large. Then I asked her to marry me.
PEOPLE ARE STILL EATING FAJITAS IN DROVES. BY THE CASELOAD. THERES A FORKLIFT OF SIZZLING MEATS.
People like you and me aren't meant to go this long without having sex
I woke up this morning fully clothed with a dart in my pocket
Woke up this morning to him making out with me in his sleep, then I had to go on a scavenger hunt to find a used condom before my roommate got back... it was under my pillow.
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