Why is it that you only get to have sex when you haven't shaved your legs in six weeks and are wearing period stained granny panties?
It's offcial there's a Bobby Light radio station on pandora.
so apparently dipping a tampon in red gatorade and throwing it out the window on the highway is a $100 fine
she just gave me a present from you... on a stripper pole. in front of the whole club. :)
WHY ISNT THIS A PICTURE MESSAGE
I'm now in all their contact lists as "Pee-Pee Hands"...
I'd like to personally thank you for not letting anyone puke in any of the salad bowls this time
I gave him head and we watched Fashion Police. somehow it wasn't awkard.
no. i discovered the *exact* amount of drugs i need to do to understand calculus.
I feel like we should build an island for girls that have committed atrocious numbers of unforgivable sins. We'll call it 'whore island' after the anchorman fashion.
woke up in your bed at 6 AM. on my way home I passed Nathan, bloody, barefoot, and still in a toga. He told me he woke up in a ditch then kept repeating "I'm totally bringing this up at meeting tomorrow". I'm proud of your frat today
Pretty sure I was impersonating Rihanna when I kept asking him what my name was while we were making out
I just woke up on the living room floor at my parents house. The last thing I remember was making a scene at Buffalo Wild Wings because our waitress "Sent the game into overtime" with a 0-0 score
COME HERE AND I WILL SUCK YOUR COCK UNDER THE LIGHT OF THIS BEAUTIFUL ELECTRICITY
Why do I know about what dicks have been in your mouth but didn't know you had a dog? What kind of friends are we??
Ik youre sleeping but fyi its 5:32am I'm sitting in the middle of the road bra less and shoeless with boxers in my hand and no ride. Shits real crazy.
Randomize
