to be honest..when i was little i used to think sharks can swim out of drains and eat people
A guy at the bar bought me a jag bomb because I'm the chick that frosts his donuts at KT. Never have I been more proud of being a failure at life.
Dude pussy is like music. For every person who pays for it, there are thousands more getting it for free.
The only bad thing about this relationship... my forearm strength is dwindling
I think I reached optimum potential when I summersaulted straight into a kiddie pool.
No, earlier you attempted Jenga with everyones shoes.
After he came all he could say was how great the lighting fixtures where in my apartment.
I used his computer to order the pizza and the only thing he had in his search bar was 'text NASA'
to improve your porn experience, just imagine a slow speaking older English man narrating it all like a Nature documentary
well what the fuck is the POINT of teetotal mardi gras
My housemates are judging me because I'm high at 8am and making Spongebob shaped Mac and Cheese
They know nothing, John Stoned.
ALSO I MAYBE ACCIDENTALLY HAND CUFFED MYSELF TO A CHAIR
so hungover i had to get off the train to puke, rallied and went to work. not sure if that's an adulting win or fail
Jesus fuck that was emotional whiplash
So... Sex in my rain boots last night. Trashy or a great show of character?
If it was with a guy, trashy. Sex with a girl is never trashy.
I swam, I rode a bicycle, I rode a horse, I danced. It was like a real life tampon advert.
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