East Village: Only place you can play pac man while eating a pineapple hotdog, go to the bar next door and see a graphic blowjob on every tv
So, remember how that one doctor said it was 1 in a million that I'd get pregnant...
Yeeah thank god
Well..welcome to parenting Mr. one in a million.
He came into the hospital yelling "HEY EVERYBODY! REMEMBER ME?"
Omg. Some dude is jacking off in Kelly's bathroom.
He sent a video of him jacking off....class will be awkward tomorrow
Never go with a hippy to a second location. I fucking hate Xanax.
Well that was the first and last time I've had to write "divorce party" on a request time off form. I'm throwing it for my mom. What is my life turning into.
I seriously doubt this is the first time pumpkin pie has led to a booty call.
i told someone my fallback plan was to be a slutty bartender and i needed the practice as i straddled them to pour a shot
One minute I'm going home the next I'm getting railed on the back 9.
and then she sorta stared at me like "holy shit" and I looked down and my dog was licking her ass
Ruff night.
I JUST NEEDED TO TELL YOU I JUST FUCKED TWO BOYS IN THE SPAN OF LIKE THREE HOURS AND ONE OF THEM WAS MY SISTERS PROM DATE FROM HIGH SCHOOL IM LOWKEY BOTH PROUD AND ASHAMED
hey can you come unlock the basement door? I'm trapped in here.
no I can't, you're a safety hazard. but, there's a beer keg down there somewhere. we don't have cups, but help yourself.
Trouble in the neighborhood - turns out my brother's summer lawn care gig also entailed banging three different MILFs and they just all found out about each other
Gotta pay for college somehow...
I'll bring spiced rum
I am not drinking that devil juice
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