We had to use the stains on Phil's shirt to try to piece together what happened last night.
I have a new reason to go to work: I can tell which 3 of my coworkers are sisters just by looking at their butts.
just ask for directions from a guy with a penis drawn on his window
I feel if a girl leaves my house the next morning feeling degraded and in desparate need of a shower, then I have succeeded.
the "its better than getting an actual virus from an actual porn star" argument failed.
Not till Sunday. I'm going to sleep in my car. And I know. This place is insane. Blood on the stAirs 5 dollar slices of pizza. A girl on our floor had a stroke.
All I remember is doing a naked tuck and roll of your bed.
How do I tell my Dad that in the picture he has of me and my brother as the background of his phone we were both rolling face on ecstasy?
Why did you send me 12 pictures in a row of your expressionless face at 2:30 am?
If I wear a tail on Halloween, how am I supposed to grind? Maybe I will just wear devil horns
He texted his hospitalized grandma while inside me, so really a perfect gentleman.
So apparently being drunk at work isn't allowed.. who knew?
Is it bad form to puke out of a dorm window to avoid looking bad in front of the people in your room?
How about from a sixth floor window?
I didn't have any choice but to cuddle you. Your hair was stuck on my nipple piercing.
You should not be involved with someone who smells like that. Because that smell seriously does not go away. Even if you can't actually smell it at any given point, it will still haunt you
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