Just got the test results back. All clean, Now whose an idiot for going bareback in South America for 3 months straight.
Lost gin update. Blackout me found and re-hid the bottle. Left a note to myself saying, "GOOD LUCK, SUCKER!"
He spent $1100 at a strip club. If I had that kind of disposable income, I'd make a cocaine sandcastle.
I told you, we're just gonna get ripped and light sparklers
When the cops pulled up I just stood flat against the fence with my hands up while yelling out,"I'm a tree!!"...
I definitely pole-danced a parking meter outside a party last night. The cheering was appreciated.
Friends don't let friends drunk sleep in the dorm common room
After a few mimosas, my mom started sharing her plans to move out of the house and into a retirement village so she can be the youngest one there and find herself a "nice old sugar daddy." Needless to say, break has not started off well...
Matt you can be anything you want to be. Including the awesome guy that brings pizza to a bunch of stoned and sorta drunk kids.
He challenged me to a drink off, I couldn't just say no. It was a matter of pride really.
And as he was cursing your name from the bathroom you were ordering yourself another drink on his tab. The poor bastard had no clue you were a pro drunk
It's not even 11, i dropped a shot glass, nick is bleeding, and everyone is drunk
Exactly best part of my night he took of his shirt and surprise traveler fanny pack
That's true because who the fuck doesn't love Harry Potter and beer
ELLEHCIM
NYRMAK
DRAHCIR
WHAT??
Can we climb Your roof?
No bitch its 2am go home.
Randomize
