I mean I'm basically single. Or maybe just an asshole. Either way.
she went to pee and i could hear her singing "Drip Drip Drop LIttle April Showers" from Bambi through the door.
the only reason i invite her is so when the guys start to hit on her i know it's time to take their keys
the world took limewire and four lokos away from me in one week....hello depression
I never want to hear the words 'my therapist says . . . ' while naked again.
are you still mad that doritos made their way into my sex life
.....a litte
I'm dealing with this like an adult, cupcakes and beer.
.......The other day I peed on him in the shower....he was trying to touch my boobs and I wanted my space.
My bathroom smells like artichokes and absinthe. I am naming a perfume after you and using the money to buy new towels.
Usually I just ask myself "have I been naked here?" If the answer is no I correct the situation.
Don't need my thirties to be known as the decade of "new types of shits from drinking" like last night.
Why the HOLY HELL is my dog on my roof??? Sam?? Why is the dog wearing my pants
Is it weird that I have your number saved in my phone as baby Jesus?
He nicknamed his dick "the fountain of youth" I think it's time to move on...
If it were up to me his wife would never get his penis again, but I guess they have some sort of arrangement
Yes, an arrangement called marriage
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