go do what you do best...puke behind churches
i'm in his bathroom *freshening up* and he not only has a hairdryer... but a straightener. get me out of here... NOW
NEWS FLASH: A bottle of wine can fit into a taco bell cup.
omg he fucking fingered me this morning. and i was just like this is the most awkward alarm clock ive ever had
Times like this, when you talk openly about Tinkerbell being your spirit animal, are times when I'm allowed to question your sexuality.
Trying to take a shit right now to the beat of the fuckin drumcircle outside... It's not goin well
I am the prescription. I can be taken orally or vaginally and in any dosage. This is why I went to med school.
The blow job award ceremony was a little much. You guys didn't need to call out what happened the night before.
What? How can you say that? You won!
I think your dad took our porno
This is exactly why you shouldn't bang your bartender. Although the awkward free shots are a plus.
Don't send me nudes asking me to come fuck you on lunch break then send me a video of kids you're babysitting.
Hey so I got my period
Thank god I wasn't ready to deal with sober you for 9 months
You do realize he's just an extension of his penis, right?
I think I fucked the doubts about us out of him
Please tell me im imagining that i claimed that i was king of the ducks.
Randomize
