a/c is broke at work...just took my panties off at my desk and the janitor saw it...might have a date for later. let you know
I took off my clothes and she wanted to have sex. But then she changed her mind. So we ended up fucking through her panties or something. I don't know it was weird.
is there an easy way to say "i didnt plan on sleeping with you until i saw how drunk you were" ?
So at this point...I'm sure you heard the story about Saturday night
Margaritas ran out of lime juice. Substituted Jaeger. Jaegerita not good.
Some bum walked up and watched me getting head last night for like 5 mins before I noticed him
i think it was just a coincidence but she literally vomited the second she saw my penis.
Am i fat?
Well i wouldnt let you on top
while you've been gone this has kinda turned into some sort of fivesome-type thing. just thought i should warn you for when you get back
On the plus side I got to ride in a fire truck and I didn't have to blow anybody for it
Meeting relatives from another state drenched in tequila and smelling of weed. I'm gonna kill you for soaking the only bra I brought in Jose Cuervo Gold.
When I found her she was drinking wine out of a plastic bag in a bathroom stall, staring at herself in the mirror and crying hysterically. Cabo does things to a person...
I've spent all afternoon taking and editing selfies. The life of a bimbo is truly tiring.
that's the first time I've heard "shenanigans" and "apocalypse" in the same sentence
Putting plan B on my parents credit card wasn't the smartest idea
Randomize
