If she's not going to maintain the upkeep of her vag then I'm not going to pay the rent of being her boyfriend
why is my clorox wipe dispenser full of tortillas?
Making a drinking game out of jeopardy does not mean you studied..
Do you remember that time on the drunk bus when I kept thanking the bus driver for serving our country?
I just stole a conducting baton from the chicago symphony orchestra... i have to stop drinking on weeknights
The hot guy sitting next to me in the lib is reading a book called "Impersonal sex in public places." How wrong would it be to give him my number when I bounce?
SHE WON'T ROUND UP MY GRADE! I have a 79.8% I ONLY MISSED TWO CLASSES!!! ONE WHEN I GOT DRUGGED AND ONE WHEN MY CAR GOT BROKEN INTO!! I'm interculturally competent. I used to date a Italian/Cherokee Indian. I fucked a Palestinian. How much more pro-peace can you get?
We established that I was in 5th grade when she was in her final year of grad school. Her daughter is also in 5th grade.
Just stared at a tree for a solid 5 minutes because I thought a German Shepard was perched on a limb.
Huh interesting. Well thats too bad. Did he catch on?
I doubt it. After sex he sat there naked until the episode of fresh prince (which had JUST started) was over.
DON'T YOU TELL ME I HAVE HERPES ON MY BIRTHDAY. THAT IS MOST DEFINITELY NOT A HAPPY BIRTHDAY.
no body wants to do anything today cause it's too cold, but a guy can only masturbate so many times a day. Ya know
I think I just figured out how to make weed tea in the coffeemaker.
Same encounter she body slammed me to the floor and than humped me
Had a girl with a moustache tattoo on her hand give me a handjob. That shit was classy as fuck. I felt like I should be wearing a monocle or something.
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