sometimes i wish i was able to text my cat and tell him i miss him and that i'm thinking about him
Still workable. Pretty sure i told her i'd eat her out in the woods.
swears the blind dude on this train is faking. Every day he stumbles and falls into a different girl's lap and then has to grab her tits to steady himself.
thank god dogs can't talk. they see way to much.
He screamed for everyone to hide, unplugged the music, then talked to the cop. Last I saw he was high fiving him...
He's the fucking cop whisperer.
Yeah. He can't come because his mom found the pizza box under his bed with my underwear in it. He acted confused, guess because i forgot to tell him..
Is it acceptable I'm laying in bed drinking airplane bottles?
In our world? Yes, but I'm disappointed yoiu are wasting airplane bottles. Save them for sneaky occasions
I'll be there in 10. I need you naked and ready. Warm up.
HE'S EATING THE CONFETTI. STOP HIM NOW.
If I was 5 years younger and single...
She STILL wouldn't fuck you.
Who replies to a drunk text at 6am that's like against the rules of being a designated drunk text receiver
I can't sleep. My mind keeps asking "turn down for what?" but it won't accept any of my answers.
I think we should have a sex position advent calendar
WE ARE DOING DRUGS AND GOING TO THE STRIP CLUB SATURDAY LADIES
You can have my vag. Its useless without you.
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