After they won there was a guy outside Magee Hospital yelling "name your kid Sidney"... that guy may or may not have been me.
Drunk in a bar in Texas. The 24 y/o hottie I am chatting up just called me a male cougar. I am dealing with this whole turning 40 thing juuuust fine.
i keep myself tagged when other girls look bad/ugly so i look better
we used that portable toilet as a cooler to keep coronas. next person who tells me hospitals arn't fun needs to come party in rm 180.
what do people who dont have blackberrys do while they poop?
i will be blacked out in the shower. come get me. 20 mins.
I'd like to introduce you to my friend, Moderation. Enjoy each other's company this weekend.
Your friend and I already don't get along
She just told me she had a double jointed jaw and winked at me while eating her bananna. That's not possible right?
Wait. Wine + Crossbow..?
I went to the bathroom, came back, and my friend was sleeping leaning up against the stripper pole.
ask me again when I'm sobewr aka tuesday
He is 30 (that's 8 years older than I am) and uses more Emojis than I do. Problem?
I told her I had a small penis. Then replied if Peter Pan won with a dagger then so can I
It's amazing what a couple of orgasms can do for a girls demeanor.
i'd like to schedule a penis for 4pm please.
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