I really think my calling is to star in a Live Links commercial
She told me she couldnt give me head last night because she was running out of listerine
I was preparing to do my walk of shame shirtless, but then I found my sweater, wallet and keys neatly piled under a tree in the park.
Hes stumbling drunkenly around the streets of New York with a balloon vagina on his head. I'd say hes having a good night.
I hear youre working today. To keep you entertained, ive compiled a list of condiments that my dick has NOT been slathered in since last Friday: Relish, and raspberry jam. That's right.
Dude. Yeah. This is a game changer. I feel dirty and possibly pregnant and it hasn't happened yet.
I cnant read. Cheetos goen. Help. Grt Cheetos.
Did you know that taking off a bra with teeth burns ninty calories?
THIS IS NOT A DECISION I MADE AT ONE IN THE MORNING IM JUST GETTING AROUND TO TELLING YOU ABOUT IT NOW
I don't know anybody that can get the cops to drive them back to the bar after being pulled out of a tree
it happenes
If she's over 40, she won't believe you if you say " I'm only going to put the head in"
You kept ranting how Captain Planet is getting shortchanged in the superhero department. Other than that you kept it together
What do you mean not that crazy? I had sex last night. with my\nBOSS. in the restaurant where we WORK.... ON A DINNER TABLE.
So if you wanna come get your pants you can. But you have to come in your boxers. Rules are rules!
also, when i showed up he started talking to me and eventually asked me if the girls treated me well. i went on to talk about my sex life. he was talking about his secretaries.
Randomize
