South Carolina's governor once cited "moral legitimacy" when he was a congressman voting for President Bill Clinton's impeachment. Karma is a bitch.
so high. i feel like my whole body is a boner
So we were sitting in his back seat and he asked me if I practiced giving head. I mean really, who asks that?
So we stole all of the newspapers out of the stands within a 1 mile radius and filled up her car with crumpled newspaper.
Who leaves their car unlocked at night?
Someone who wants to read the newspaper.
Its a three day weekend with Valentines day thrown in... Im obligated to get drunk
and apparently i was drunk enough to follow up with "I'd let me touch your boobs" ... not my best line.
Her bed is on wheels, so we woke up in the kitchen.
He woke up in the ambulance thinking he was still in the club.
Do you think the neighbors will know I was the one giving out the penis shaped lollipops to the children?
Ohhh,that's true. Babies are only fun when you're high. Otherwise, they're the worst kind of people.
he told me he had a dream that he laid his head in my lap and silently gazed up at me. WHY AM I ALWAYS THE DUDE IN RELATIONSHIPS
According to the boxer briefs I found on the couch when I got home, I take it your date went well??
I think I'm just going to go like every guy on tinder who has a jetski. I'm doing this for us, Summer is coming.
Where you been?
Please tell me this is a booty call
I went up to u at the bar, you grabbed my face and said, "hey you're Juan right?"
Randomize
