dont quote avril lavinge. im to drunk.
It was laundry day and I was wearing last xmas undies. he took one look and went...you's a ho, ho, ho. my response you ask? for less dough, dough, dough. I'm a slut.
with a sacreligious after taste.
Odds of those being real?
One in who gives a fuck
you rubbed the head of my dick and said "I shall call you Squishy and you shall be mine and you shall be my Squishy."
when you get a chance can you look up 'free abortion clinic' for me? cuz i dont think i'll be lucky enough for a second miscarriage.
so the plumber came, he found condoms, feathers and glitter in the pipes.
he somehow instantly knew i was from vermont.
it probably had something to do with chasing your soco with maply syrup.
Romer got arrested for getting in a bar fight with a bus boy because he was trying to steal a keg, had it all the way to the car
Just got a blowjob in her closet with two people sleeping outside in the room. I feel like the emperor of college.
Doubtful. That seems irresponsible. The 4th will kill you if you stopped drinking until then. Let's think logically.
Just met another girl you fucked but this time in seattle. Your cock gets almost as much mileage as jet blue. Anaheim and seattle both say hi, figured you don't remember their names.
A woman on my train just walked down the carriage in a wedding dress, crying and clutching a can of Carlsberg. Oh...
That man gives me hope. I can't help it. And by "hope" I mean "wood."
its not everyday you see batman on the ground with someone riverdancing on his face bourbon street never disappoints
It makes me feel all patriotic & free... And borderline diabetic.
Randomize
