Heard it's your birthday. I can't send pictures, but go ahead and imagine my balls.
There is a clear recurring theme of me having sex in restrooms that really needs to stops
I know what youre going to say and vodka only explains half of my sitation
She just started grabbing all the hospital's rubber gloves and face masks and shoving them in her purse, saying, "My tax money paid for these!"
We have to use a contraceptive. God help the world if another one of us comes into fruition.
I woke up to him peeling the skin on my stomach from my sunburn. If he wasn't so good in bed I'd be a little freaked out.
Tomorrow's thirsty thursday is now sponsored by the three time champion, chemisty failure. celebration starts asap.
Apparently we were arguing for captain seats so I shouted "who has your virginity." I got the seat.
How the fuck am I supposed to enjoy a third ice day from school if I only bought enough alcohol for 2?
I don't know, maybe act like an adult who teaches children for a living
It's like we're not even friends
Do you think it would be a margarita if you just out tequila in a sonic slush?
Do you ever get a cramp in like, ONE labia?
We just had sex on an abandoned logging road while wearing snow shoes. God bless Montana boys.
Like I didn't gracefully walk into these feelings. No, I fucking stumbled and fell face fucking first.
She flashed us last time and pissed all over the floor this time. I'm scared to invite her back.
Idk if I want to put a bra on
Randomize
