It's been over a month and I still can't find the bra I wore out on new years eve.
There's a show on the Discovery Channel about T-Rex sex. I think this just made my life.
Hurry there's a dancing lesbian. She's a jumper and has impeccable jazz hands.
You tried to get me to kick my booty call out at 3am by tempting me with a trip to ihop
I think I will be cutting those pills in half...Jesus just tried to sell me a toothbrush.
Dude, the chicks a procotolgy intern. Don't cheat on her. She knows where it hurts the most.
no dont worry i changed into my costume in the hospital bathroom
Congratulations, I drank so much for your birthday that I'm shitting blood.
Beer and tomahawks! Not gonna end well!
I just set a reminder on my phone to get star spangled hammered this weekend.
We shall need something stronger. Anal lube, the blood of a giraffe, and a bay leaf should do the trick. Make the paste and cover your left knee and anus in it.
Typical Sunday morning text...are you alive?
He finished and he wasn't even totally hard. He actually came without a boner.
HOW IS THAT EVEN POSSIBLE.
Your dick is the only reason I have motivation to come back to school today
he walked off and puked in the sand. then he made a sand castle over it so that "it wouldn't upset the kids"
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