I wonder if they've ever made a porno about the song "she'll be comin' round the mountain when she comes"
Banged a lazy eyed chick last night. It was like fucking an iguana.
Next year we will be 30 and no more shots during the week.
I told them I got hit by a car again and now im pretty sure they think im being abused but there was no way in hell the truth was going to fly. Employed people aren't supposed to break their faces in piggy back ride accidents.
so far we have 6 big wheels and 10 boxes of wine for the tour de franzia. team drunkslut is favored to win the yellow jersey.
Congratulations!! You are the WINNER of a brand new BLOWJOB!! You can collect your prize between the hours of 12pm and 1pm today, anywhere you'd like!!! :)
Why do the people I hook up with still exist after we're done?
I'm doing somethin that's never been done before...the 10 am booty call come over
What's a good pandora station to masturbate to?
PLAN B IS EXPENSIVE ON A $50 A WEEK BUDGET.
He snapchatted me the wine on the ceiling this morning
Should we go get some celebratory "I'm not pregnant" tacos?
I fucked him while wearing his hat. I love the navy
I woke up to Dragon Ball Z playing in Portuguese and a donut shish-kebab~ed on a dick in my face.
You’re sleeping on my couch so you’re not making dick appointments tonight
Randomize