If i have to listen to his problems about his girlfriend, he should at least let me suck his cock.
i woke up next to a ladle and a packet of chocolate biscuits that my face had melted into one giant biscuit.
All I remember is apologizing to his sister for being a bad influence while I was throwing up into a big gulp cup.
you took a potato out of your pocket and just started eating it raw. don't know where the potato came from though
21st birthday = success
I know it basically makes me the worst feminist ever, but I don't want to kill my own spiders. And I will pay my personal spider hit man with sammiches and unlimited , uninhibited access to my vagina.
And the cockring thing wasn't sexual.
I just had to take a picture of someone whose testicles are bigger than my fists combined. Living the dream.
Its not that it wasnt fun. Its just I got a tooth knocked out and that was my second time being arrested this year
I mean, it was a fun hookup and he's cute and whatnot, but he wouldn't go down on me. Plus he's a republican. Idk why but those things feel like they go hand in hand.
i feel like ive seen the light, but not in the nasty christian way. thats gross. say no to jesus, kids
I just made my dating life into my own game show. would you like to meet the contestants? (photos not included)
Just threw up in a baggy on the airplane. The guys next to me clapped and bought me a jack and coke.
Livin the dream
i let a mormon finger me. i don't ever want to be that drunk again.
He punched me in the face while giving him road head, because he was driving stick. I shit you not.
It was very surreal. They were listening to a religious podcast on morality while they both went down on me.
Randomize
