what are you wearing?
Just my guilt
i just discovered how you can fold down the cardboard sleeve on a hot pocket. Life just got a whole lot easier.
I'm scared. I feel like she's my mom and she just walked in on me having sex. Like she's "disappointed"
You kept screaming "Its taco night!" before every shot
At the same time. Hot men feeding me brownies. In between rounds of sex.
I have a challenge for you: find out where you are. you will receive Taco Bell if you succeed
I made friends with the delivery guy because he had beautiful dread locks and was a Zelda fan. He texted me after he left saying he wasn't trying to be creepy but we should be friends. We're hanging out tomorrow.
How does this kind of shit happen to you?!
I don't know when it is this year, but if I ever text you an illegible text that also happens to contain sharks, Shark Week started.
My boobs love her too. She makes them feel important even though they're small
btw you left your chapstick on the nightstand and bruises on my body...
gifts from me to you. you're welcome.
It's like Jesus got stoned and this would be the sandwiches he'd make
This day took a left turn at "This is your going away party, I got a bunch of blow."
Most drunken moment of the night is me pouring Chanel no. 5 all over your boobs and rubbing it in...
I WOULD NEVER LIE ABOUT SOMETHING AS SERIOUS AS SABADO GIGANTE BEING CANCELED
Can we just take a minute to acknowledge that you're drinking with your gay ex boyfriend's DAD who is a DEACON??
Randomize
