Just saw my gyno in public. Weird to see her hands outside of my vagina.
you know you're not getting laid when you start breaking awkward silences with quotes from Robot Chicken
I kind of had a moment like that kid whose mom cancelled his WoW subscription, except I didn't try to shove a remote control up my own ass.
life lesson# 3: saying thank you on a subway really means "im not a native new yorker, so please feel free to touch my ass"
hmm. interesting. explain how you came across this knowledge.
i sneezed. he said bless you. i said thank you. he groped. i again said thank you.
The guy at McDonald's just told us there is no flash photography allowed.
just bought a coffee grinder that advertiesed spacious grinding chamber...new nickname for my bedroom?
Next time we go to the river, we nominate you to flash people for free booze. Your tits are the biggest.
She just kept screaming you name over and over. Im starting to think this is my alarm clock
Today I met the neighbor that shares my bedroom wall. When I pointed out my unit, he said, "Oh, that's you? Oh... that's you." I didn't think much of it until I was in bed tonight and I heard him clear his throat. He's. Heard. Everything.
Woke up with his dick on the side of my face, it's like he passed out mid-mushroom stamp.
We ate a mysterious delivered pizza which no one ordered and then the wii wouldn't work so 20 of us watched porn on two laptops. Drunk took the awkward away.
That commercial was clearly aspirational. I think Arbor Mist would pair nicely with Oscar Meyer
idk. a stripper just bit me. I'm so disoriented
And no one can masturbate with the sound of Bernie's voice in the background
Its pretty bad when you can tell twins apart by the size of their penises...
Randomize
