super hot butfun
Oops. What a difference a comma and a space make.
We just made watching Intervention into a drinking game. We drink everytime someone does drungs.
Just got mistaken for a cardboard cutout ad in line at Taco Bell. New low?
if you ever come into my room screaming for me to set up rockband at 4:45 am ever again i will kill you
that's like riding a pigeon when you could fuck a bald eagle
Honestly, I don't care whether it was a guy or a girl. Best blowjob ever.
hooking up with my manager sounds like an even better idea while i'm sober.
She was trying to fuck the exchange student from France. His English is really bad and the music was loud so she just pointed to a beer bottle and then her vagina.
Just had my ass outlined on a bar top with permanent marker and then they carved the imprint into the wood with a knife. I'm famous in the country!
i just keep picturing us drunk surrounded by kittens.
Dude we both faced 40s of steel reserve which is like saying, "Hey, I'm a complete piece of shit!"
After the clumsiest day of my life I think it's safe to say my dream of being a ninja is dead. Memorial service with a glass of wine at 8pm
I really should have gone with the man who kept offering me cocaine. Why did I chose the German!? STUPID!
I told some guy on tinder, that apparently has a prosthetic leg, that I think we started off on the wrong foot. I hate myself...
I want to create a human. Discussion later.
Randomize
