They said "my eyes made me look intoxicated" ......we harassed them all night and we called the cops and told them that the bouncer that kicked us out was selling meth in the club ...and then we went to wendys
So I'm driving and this guy next to me at the stop light is reving his engine and honking at me. Motherfucker thinks that's because I'm asian and drive a honda I'm automatically going to race him
so today in my theology class we brought up the proper way to have sex. so rough sex was said by the teacher...I said I know a girl that likes to be choked. sorry but everyone knew it was you
She didn't know my name but she knew I was Canadian so she just called me Canada. It sounded like the national anthem when we were fucking.
That still doesn't explain why you thought it was a good idea to paint a cow on my guitar
and honestly how many chances will you get to hook up with a one armed guy?
I have reached the point in my life where I realized this is what I'm going to do for the rest of my life. Eat, shit , bar, drink, drank, drunk.
Caught in the act of lying. Lipstick literally all over his dick. He tried to make some story about darkwing duck or some shit but failed to realize he is a complete moron.
You got me so high that I almost couldn't leave my house for a bar because there was nothing to lean against on the way there
You were too drunk yesterday to deal with me crying so I am too drunk to deal with logic.
I fucked my ex boyfriend to get shrooms for you guys
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
FUCK and YOU. times 10. To infinity and beyond. You bastard. Worst. Cockblock. Ever. I'm going to nail your sister.
Had a slight melanoma scare this morning. Spoiler alert, it was Nutella.
I'm touching everything in your apartment with my penis.
Well, I was giving him a handy and I sighed in boredom. He heard. I had to fake moaning sounds after he asked if I sighed.
Randomize
