So im pretty sure the object of my emotional onterest is tired of playing with me....
I'm not conventionally pretty...I'm just crazy
she was so hung over that i had to hold her hair while she puked in a trash can in the middle of the student center as new freshman and their parents walked by.
We're playing Big Buck Hunter to determine who buys the next pitchers. And they said video games wouldn't help me later in life
this dude just took some girl under your house for half an hour. you may have helped a 17 year old fuck on the beach for the first time. congrats.
just let her blow you already, it's practically animal cruelty at this point.
She seriously pointed at the couch and asked me if she could "ride the talking giraffe". I'll never serve everclear again.
Called the cops on a high school party then went in after all the kids ran away and took the rest of the beer. What are you doing tonight?
Just do it. I grew some lady balls and did it last year. It's your turn. Time to show what you're made of. Hit it or quit it.
Denim handjobs are the worst handjobs. I hate all handjobs. Why do people even.
who are you talking about my vagina to?!
I came back from England with a face tattoo and the only thing anyone can talk about is my beard.
Her name was Danica but I felt like it would be hard to say drunk so I called her Shelby
I woke up with an empty beer bottle in my slipper and a note that said "it just wants to be warm"
Want a bet? I'm a kinky and determined motherfucker with a libido that is not easily stopped
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