either she doesn't know how to dress properly on a sunday morning stroll, or I just saw a 60 year old on a walk of shame
why do all canadians talk like horny gerbils are stuck in their throats?
we were holding hands throwing up into the same garbage can; if thats not true love i dont know what is .
I just watched my mom open a wine bottle with an electric drill. I have never been so proud.
like a sex slave...but with a better dental insurance plan
She just took the bottle of jager to the bathroom and locked the door. Now I hear the water running..if the house floods she's paying for it
I don't know what's happening. Everyone is wearing beaks.
I need you to help me convince Steph that she will like Tequila if she would chase it with A-1
Apparently I tried my hand at mustard juggling. I wasn't very good.
And the cops are back. At least my pants are on this time
We're snowed in with only two condoms. This will literally be valentines day russian roullette.
I am just High Enough to train A-Team of bodybuilding squirrels MMA techniques to tear you asunder. And it's not that I want to is just don't you make me do it!
Broken heels while double fisting margaritas, picking up shirtless, bloody men and escorting them out of harms way, the meltdown when I realized I can go without a bra bc my boobs shrunk, the morning vodka red bull you were forced to drink? Which one roped you in?
Last night I actually told him I came with a washer and dryer
Nothing wrong with a little cat scratch fever. You have toys?
A few, plus a dildo molded from a porn star that I've always been too intimidated of to actually use, but it's the apocalypse, and momma didn't raise no quitter.
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