id be glad to
When my kids ask how I lost my virginity Im going to have to tell them of a mythical thing called "Myspace" and how strangers could lure you into their "den of love" thanks to clever quotes and graphics
You tried to call "time out" during the sobriety test.
I feel like a fucking princess. Like an heiress of a kingdom of drugs.
Well, thats the first guy to go to jail because of my vagina
Post that event on your timeline
Nothing says Merry Christmas like gifting a bottle of rum and finishing it yourself then leaning over at the dinner table to puke it back up.
too late I already started a fight with someone named luscious
He told me he loved me. I didn't know what to say so i just squirted the baby oil at him
I fill condoms, not promises.
she genuinely believed that kangaroos are a cross between a deer and a T-rex
Do you think accidently including this month's Credit Card statement in my application will keep me from getting into grad school?
Depends ... when did you purchase your vibrator?
I'll pay you back with progressively deviant sexual favors.
Thx for last night. I've never had so much fun while being told my life decisions are questionable at best.
I just did my taxes to sober up, I'm THAT hungover
It's difficult when the romantic and the hedonist in me are fighting. I want him to respect me and hopefully pursue an actual relationship, but then I remember he fucks like a GOD and loves my kink. Oh, life's hard.
Randomize
