Three of the best words ever! Cocaine. Research. Study.
i told my boss i want to eat her tits. 90 percent sure i'm getting fired
Let's just say that watching the sunrise in a space helmet is really the only way to do it.
Did you guys seriously let me trade my id for a kebab last night??
He's only going to be gone for two weeks
That's two months in gay whore years.
Your dad just texted me? He said I needed to holler at him when I get up tomorrow. I honestly thought you had somehow gone to jail.
Hon, I found you crying into a bathrobe in the back of a closet with a broken shoerack.
The only people in the library at 5:00 on the friday after finals are homeless or pre-med.
exhale infront of a fan. self shotgun.
Just listened to a full Christian rock song, loved it,listened to the dj send a prayer to a 4th grader who was having a tough year and realized I'm high as fuk
I air guitared a man's prosthetic leg on the bar to Bruce Springsteen. That's how it's going
As much of a hooker as I am you don't slam where you drink
I'm so sexually frustrated I feel like I'm going to kill my turtle
My ultimate hope is that people will hug me, smell me, and therefore think I'm classy.
Remind me later when I want to buy more drinks that there's a 20 in my bra
Randomize
