Omfg I am plowed. Had drinks with 3 milfs. Going out on their boat tomorrow. They want to show me how buoyant they are.
Well, what part of "I've heard she has crabs" didn't you take into consideration?
I told my boyfriend my favorite food was strawberry poptarts, now my email inbox is getting spammed with nude pics of him with his dick in a poptart box..
My 11 year old cousin is wearing a Jane Austen fan club t shirt. I'm trying not to tear into her, but I'm five coronas deep and losing control.
She asked me how I live with myself. I told her one night at a time.
and i was just like oh shit i'm getting felt up by a 15 year old
we were both as far on opposite edges of my bed as possible this morning. id say work is gonna be a little uncomfortable from now on
My roommate made me go home after I mooed at fat girls at the gas station.
He said he was going to "rock my world". I wonder if he too has a false sense of confidence and accomplishment stemming from a complete lack of honesty from our own female counterparts.
I asked if I could borrow some condoms. She referred to herself as "a soup kitchen for whores".
Do one night stands count towards my number?
Yes. A penis is a penis
Even bad ones?
YES.
He called me baby cakes during sex... Can U not
I just got his Save the Dave and, to answer your next question, NO I AM NOT GOING TO THE WEDDING OF THE GUY WHO GOT DRUNK AND CAME ON MY CHEST.
You would critique a dick pic. Damn art people.
The fact that I made out with a twenty one year old father is kind of worrying me now. Like. This is exactly what I wasn't supposed to do in life.
Randomize
