just by requesting 'I think we're alone now', not only did you achieve emptying the bar, but you also rubbed it in the owners face.
I just snorted a line of adderall through a rolled up business card for the Michigan Law Admissions Office.... Tell me I'm not motivated
I can get orange kush...
GET IT NOW! WHY IS THERE A DOT DOT DOT?!
Hello everyone will one of you please inform me on why I woke up in a cardboard recycle dumpster with no shirt and a stuffed animal? I want to hear this explanation.
Your godly.
Get everyone out of their dorms and watch 3 girls do the walk of shame from my room.
I need $500 dollars more than I need a night of dignity... I gonna do it.
We JUST got rid of the new years fatties at my gym and now the spring break fatties are here. goddamn.
Is there a word for someone who only has sex with NFL prospects?
Spotted: woman loading franzia into a toddler-sized shopping cart for her child to push. Beautiful.
I kinda remember trying to staple rolls of toilet paper to make a pillow, but it's blank after that.
You said your face felt like it was made out out of boxes and kept asking me to give you a bath.
private study room at the lib turned into byob study room. that turned into battle royale and eric impaling his leg on a pen.
You got banned for life from a $30 a night motel. What are you doing with your life?
No, he came home, unscrewed all of the lightbulbs, and threw them in the sink.
I'm just going to use my debit card. I feel bad buying pizza with the money I stole from my roommate...so I'm going to put it in my piggy bank.
Randomize
