I am going to be in the room whjen you have your first child and spit on its face before its even all the way out of you.
yeah. and then it was like the room of requirement. the elevator just opened for our threesome.
Right before we were going to have sex he said it was his "lucky condom" I don't know if that means its used or what.. But I'm freaking out either way.
why the fuck would he compare you to sexy aquatic creatures?
Oh you're gonna love this story. I almost cut off a little girl's pony tail.
You almost make it sound as if getting an education to further your career is more important than beer and tacos.
Haunted Houses: fun, lame, or love to sneak off and get fingered in the dark alley way?
I have 39 hot sauces from Chipotle
It's like earning obesity badges
You're wonderful. How are you always such a good friend?
50% genetics, 50% driven by a desire for people to drunkenly eat donuts at my funeral and then have fantastic cry-sex afterward.
I just put vodka in my apple sauce. Spice up your fucking life.
She invited us over for cocaine and donuts
You okay? Last night you climbed through my window and demanded I take shots with you and when I refused you took a piss in my front yard.
that's your fault. you refused to take shots with me.
He just chose domino's over sex. ARE YOU KIDDING ME?
I JUST NEEDED TO TELL YOU I JUST FUCKED TWO BOYS IN THE SPAN OF LIKE THREE HOURS AND ONE OF THEM WAS MY SISTERS PROM DATE FROM HIGH SCHOOL IM LOWKEY BOTH PROUD AND ASHAMED
All I want is to get shitfaced and fuck random strangers is that really to much to ask?
Randomize
