sometimes i just want to live alone. my roommate keeps looking at me weird like hes never seen a girl eat plain salt before
I don't know which is worse: knowing all the free porn websites, or knowing which days they update their free porn.
Instead of just putting in it he asked "will you do the honors?" it was the cutest thing I had ever heard before sex.
Woke up to 'distilleries' on the history channel. Proceded to vomit all over the floor. Back on the wagon today.
I woke up with dick mouth, a raw vagina, an empty bottle of vodka and the best man next to me. I also found my thong by the pool. Best.Wedding.Ever.
please just be careful, i just switched my facebook status to "in a relationship", i would look really pathetic if i had to change it back to "single" already
and then she started to quack like a duck and u started throwing bread at her
fun fact: in my eskimo family tree i am the only brunette
There something about a girl that pirates lemonade off a restaurant fountain as a mixer that I find intriguing.
For context, I was hiding under the pong table mooing at everyone by that point.
You could see the bone sticking out of his shin and he insisted he was "just gunna walk it off"
Needless to say, I did not go home with him cause he kinda resembled a guppy fish.
So I thought you might like to hear how I went to sams club to print some pictures and suddenly there was 20 pictures of your dick and my snatch on the screen
Plus he probably didn't want to be at home, alone... Jacking off on the big screen without you there to lend a helping hand. I mean, let's be honest. It's not fun if it's not a little weird.
I blame her lesbian super powers of coercion.
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