I really want to sleep with her friend. I'm hoping our casual sex relationship will somehow lead to that.
It tastes like I coughed up blood....hello liver damage, I've been expecting you.
i just identified you from a description of your pipe
I think I'm cybering, it's been a while and its more in depth than it was in 8Th grade.
I'm at the bar and they've turned up lady gaga to cover the sound of the fire alarm.
5 out of the 6 of them cut their hands while trying to shot gun the beer, I had never seen balls attached to such patheticness
Theres a handprint of sauce on my frig, one streaked across my face, a trail of it to my bedroom and sauce all in my bed and i have no idea what the fuck i ate.
it would be cheaper just to buy a dildo to intimidate people with.
I can promise you that this new years eve will rival the one from senior year when we got that exchange student deported.
Until you find your self finger banging supergirl in the middle of the dance floor while her friends are passing around for luigi mustache for a photo op, YOU HAVE NOT HIT MY LEVEL
Also, no joke, I think that raccoon hair is still in my eye from last night.
It's probably not healthy how legit bummed I am that my bottled of wine is gone.
Just had to read the instructions to my microwave. How am I so high?
No problem...what are friends for if they can't rub eachothers genitals.
That guy u hooked me up with kept calling me james while were doing it...
Randomize
