another holiday season passes without receiving a dick in a box, where did i go wrong in life?
forced to watch US open for father's day. only perk is discovering dustin johnson...reeeeally hoping that this golf sex addiction thing is contagious
Bering your kids um. Abiout tol. Throw up
No, I don't think your idea of offering shots in exchange for bonus points to your history professor at B-Dubs was a good idea. Especially after you later told him that you would "tap that" in regards to his wife.
Pissed along side the highway while waving at all the traffic... if thats not a sign of a productive night to come then idk what is
I should probably go to bed before I start to care about why I started drinking in the first place.
so apparently going to a christian rock concert dressed as Jesus is horribly inappropriate.
It feels like eating ice cream while riding a unicorn over a rainbow waterfall made of glitter.
That is possibly the gayest thing that was ever thought of by anyone anywhere.
Fun fact. I am at the police dept. getting served a warrant for unpaid ordinance... and the officer was a one night stand from like 10 years ago.
I'm beginning to think that women just have dogs at home as an excuse to leave ASAP after hooking up, without sounding like a typical guy.
You know, I think I'm going to rock the shit out of this whole mid-twenties thing. Fuck babies and weddings -- I have vodka and young cock.
I smell like a skunk, but I'm okay with that.
I'm at a loss. By loss I mean singing songs from Wicked and pretending I'm at the Oscars
Her handjob consisted of slapping me in the balls. I am never hooking up with her ever again ever.
just woke up and had to check if i still had pants on, i really need to stop drinking
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