She said you were bangin on the counters of McDonalds singing "These Eyes" at 4am
She told me to "stuff her hole like a build-a-bear". I was so drunk I didn't even think that was weird.
Now that world cup is done, funneling out of a vuvuzela has lost its fun
you looked up at me mid puke with tears in your eyes and asked to make sure no one took your turn at Wii
And I'm ok with his balls touching my ass
He's hungover and at the neighbour's garage sale negotiating a price for a tuba.
um so slept at robs. he woke up, looked at me, and said ' oh my psychiatrists are gonna have a field day with this one' I think that's when you know you can't hang out with someone anymore
Just made a drunk dude do 20 push-ups. In the parking lot of the bar tonight for a keystone light I found in the back of my truck.
Oh yum
Oh my god. A memory of last night just came to me. One of our neighbors joked about Thomas having a big dick and I just kept shaking my head profusely.
Last time Jon threw a party I woke up on my porch, no shirt but 4 bras on, and "make better life choices" written on my stomach in sharpie
Rick just drank rum out of a dog bowl after a dog already drank out of it.
It's hard to hold down the snapchat button for video while thrusting. Sorry if the cinematography wasn't Oscar-worthy.
You need to stop telling people you gained weight over the holidays. You've been fat since July.
So as you were leaving, you leaned on the table too much and 3 glasses slid and fell to the floor. You then looked at me and said "To be honest, glass isnt that expensive anyways" and stumbled out of the bar.
Apparent my drunk ass was so dedicated to taking a piss, when I walked across the dance floor to get to the bathroom a 9/10 broad tried to dance with me and I just pushed her aside, like hard enough to send her a few feet from where she was standing, pointed at her and said "Not now chief, gotta rock a mean one."
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