so she asking me "is it okay to have dangling labias?"
I guess I should mention that I have already fucked the Fed Ex guy.
That changes everything.
i just woke up to a text from him apologizing for making me eat a full lemon
I told your dad we had a nice lunch and hung out for awhile. It seemed more appropriate than "I had a bite of his canned chili and then we ripped each others clothes off."
Can we just focus for a minute on the fact that I HAD MY FIRST LESBIAN ENCOUNTER.
Right. How rude of me to inform you that you're going to be an aunt.
I'm at the local community college pretending to be a substitute for a computer applications class
Let's be honest, college orientation is going to be "here's how to drink everclear"
I feel like I shouldn't be left around 30 year olds when I'm drunk
It was a fun night! I woke up with a boyfriend, again....
Omg there's puke under my pillow. Clearly I puked and tried to hide it. From myself. \n
I just had the polyamorous Canadian hockey player do the splits while naked in a handstand at my apartment just now. And yes, I know it’s 1:30am on a Thursday.
Laying on my driveway in my pajamas in the sun having my severe hangover cigarette, and the daycare house across the street is having playtime in the yard! I believe I'm currently being what's known as a "bad example!"
I swear to god my spidey sense only tingles when someone’s about to die or you’re being a hoe.
He brought me another shot of rum, ice and my underwear when I woke up.
What a gentleman.
I KNOW, right?!
Yep, you're going to hell.
I take on this great possibility with a beer in one hand and the girl I'm gonna fuck later in the other
Randomize
