mom took my condoms, found one in the trash the next day
I know she was great
i'm pretty sure god just pointed at me and laughed
i hope chris hansen doesn't have a boat
His was the first dick to ever be in my mouth... Of course I'm going to the wedding.
We went to his house and he brought a jar of pickles to bed. I think im in love.
After he came he asked what I was doing for thanksgiving.
I'm sorry that spending new years with you was fucking my boyfriend in your bathroom multiple times
What happened to "I wouldnt even touch her with a ten foot pole"?
Her vagina devoured it.
Im not moving so it's going to have to be a 3 some.
let's just pour the lemonade mix into the soco. cut out the middle man.
I kind of feel like BP. I'm dressed in green and absolutely horrible for the environment.
I was having trouble getting it up so she grabbed it and said "no, it's too big to fail"
Being at this stripclub only reinforces how single I am. And I was *just* becoming okay with that.
Did you put pizza in my boxers last night?
I left you 4 hours ago. Have you been walking around with shit in your pants all day?
I will read books by day and do guys by night. A mental and physical enlightenment, if you will.
Randomize
